Bitter or Better?

“When something bad happens to you, you have a choice to be bitter or better.  There’s only one letter difference between those two words, but a world of difference between the response.”  I don’t remember where I heard this, but was profoundly changed by this approach to dealing with bad outcomes.  I’ve used this concept in my own life and have also used it in my coaching and mentoring role.  It’s a universal concept that can help a person choose a response that will help them improve.

As a person of the Christian faith, I know I shouldn’t respond to negative events in a way that shows bitterness.  I’ve witnessed many people who routinely do that, and I am not impressed with how bitterness can turn a person into a miserable human being.  I decided I didn’t want to be one of those miserable people.  I admit that my initial response to a negative event is to strike out against the cause or the person behind the negative event.  That’s human nature.  It’s not “natural” to initially consider how I could have handled the situation better.  Once I make a decision to set aside my hurt or negative feelings, I feel an immediate sense of relief.  As I sit writing this, I find myself at that crossroads yet again.  In the past two days, a couple of negative events have happened in my life.  I’m struggling to deal with these events in a positive way.  I would prefer to stay in the “woe is me” state and lash out at the people and events that aren’t going the way I want.  At this crossroad, I can choose to stay in my current mental state (a personal “pity party” if you will), or I can choose a different path.  

How do I go about choosing a different path?  The first thing I do is to ask myself if my current state of mind is helping or hurting the situation.  If I’m not making the situation better, I need a change of attitude.  Will continuing down the bitter path provide a positive outcome?  Once I ask myself that question, it is clear that I need a change of direction.  I then ask what I can do differently.  That is the first step.  As you start down a different path, it’s essential to have confirmation that this different path is the correct one.  I have found that sharing my situation with my accountability partner both validates the path and ensures I’ve got someone who has my back.  If you don’t have an accountability partner, simply share your situation and desire to change paths with 1-2 close friends.  Simply sharing can enhance your likelihood for success, as it provides a heightened level of accountability.

Once I’ve changed paths, is the problem over?  No – not by a long shot!  I have often faced very tough challenges once I’ve tried to change paths.  It’s imperative that you build feedback into your journey to ensure that you stay committed to the new path.  Again, this is where an accountability partner can help with the situation.  It’s been said that feedback is a gift.  You have to maintain this mindset in order to stay the course with becoming better.

As the dust settles, and the raw emotions from the initial negative event have passed, I find that my mind has clarity about the initial situation and the new path I’m on.  This allows me to stay the better course and avoid the bitter course.

In closing, remember that life is tough.  We will face many trials and negative situations.  You don’t always have the power to choose the situations you face.  You do have the choice on how you respond.  I hope you can choose to become better, not bitter.  It is a simple, yet profound choice.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject.  Have you experienced bitterness?  Have you felt the positive feeling associated with choosing to become better and not bitter?