Remembering Dad

(2022-13)

When I posted my last post (see https://mrhensonllc.com/life-happens-2022-12/), I talked about Dad passing away.  He died on July 20, 2022, one week after his 92^nd birthday.  We (his family) decided to wait a while for the memorial service, due to the extreme heat in north Texas.  We scheduled his service and funeral for Friday, September 2, 2022.  We picked that date not only because it was on the Labor Day weekend, but it would have been Mom and Dad’s 72^nd wedding anniversary.

I decided to speak at Dad’s memorial service and share with everyone what he was to me and what I learned from him.  I put together an outline, and practiced by myself for 3-4 days ahead of the service.  This turned out to be the hardest public speaking I’ve ever done (and I’ve been in some tough situations for a speaker).  I followed my niece who wrote and read a letter to Dad.  I was quite touched by what she expressed. 

I didn’t do well, choking up numerous times.  It was harder than I thought, both because I was speaking to many members of my family, and because a picture of Dad was projected on the back wall of the church!  I thought I’d write down what I wanted to say and share it with you.

Who He Was to Me

• Father:  according to dictionary.com, “father” is a male parent.  Almost any male can be a father.
• Dad:  this is a special subset of the classification of “fathers.”  It takes a special father to become known as “Dad” or “Daddy.”  Doyle Henson was Dad to me!  In the past few years, whenever Dad left me a voicemail, he’d start with “Mike, this is your ol’ Dad.”  I treasure that and confess I’ve kept a few of his voicemails so I’ll remember his voice.
• Hero: Dad was my very first hero and remains my main hero.  Many fathers and dads are heroes to their children.  I looked up to him so much as a child and continued to admire him in my adult life.
• Mentor: I learned a lot from Dad and viewed him as my longest-running mentor to me in so many areas of life.  He helped me to be a better man, husband, father, employee, manager, leader, and Christian.
• Role Model:  I can’t think of a better role model for the areas he mentored me.  Late in Mom’s life, she was diagnosed with Parkinson’s.  Dad was her primary caregiver for the rest of her life.  He was an amazing husband to Mom and truly exhibited sacrificial love.
• Friend: I enjoyed talking to Dad and just spending time with him.  One of my fondest memories was from 2020, when I spent three weeks with him (see https://mrhensonllc.com/time-with-dad/). 
• Cheerleader: not only did Dad always tell me he loved me, but he told me he was proud of me.  That gave me strength to persevere.
• Best Man: I asked Dad to be my best man when I married Julie in 1978.  It’s rare that a groom will choose his father to be his best man.  I couldn’t have picked a better one!

What I Learned from Him

• Leadership:  I learned many aspects of leadership from him.  So many that one of my posts is all about the leadership lessons I learned from Dad (see https://mrhensonllc.com/leadership-lessons-from-dad/).
• The Power of Connection:  Ann Landers once said that there are two types of people and you can tell them apart when they walk into a crowded room.  The first type walks in and says “Here I am,” while the second type walks in and says “There you are!”  Dad was the latter type of person.  He taught me that everyone is important, regardless of their role in your life.  I don’t believe Dad ever met anyone without spending time understanding their life story.  One of my favorite John Maxwell books is “Everyone Communicates, Few Connect.”  Dad was a connecter.  He wanted to know what was going on in your life, no matter who you were.  I learned how to do this, which helped me in my professional life.  What Dad taught me was to connect with intentionality and honesty.  He was a master.
• The Value of Hard Work:  Dad was a hard worker, both on the job and at home.  He took pride in his work.  After he retired, he worked hard at maintaining his yard and growing a garden.  He taught me that yard work can be therapeutic.  I’ll admit that there were a couple of things taught that didn’t stick.  One was shining shoes.  Dad shined his shoes well – it must have been his Army training.  I found a good shoe shine person instead.  He also took great pride in maintaining and washing his cars.  I chose to go to a car wash and find a good mechanic.
• The Power of Stories:  Dad had many stories and he loved to tell them.  For family members and friends, we understand that he wanted us to remember the stories because he repeated them often!  ?

Closing

The past few years, Dad had a saying that his biggest problem was three letters:  A-G-E.  He told me he still felt very young mentally, but not physically.  I recently read a quote from Clint Eastwood that made me think of Dad – “You’re as young as you feel. As young as you want to be. There’s an old saying I heard from a friend of mine. People ask him, “Why do you look so good at your age?” He’ll say, “Because I never let the old man in.” And there’s truth to that. It’s in your mind, how far you let him come in.”  I don’t think Dad let the old man come in until the last week of his life.

I recently read a book by Bob Goff entitled “Undistracted.”  One of the quotes struck me – “It will not be the height of the family tree that matters, but the depth of its roots.”  To the family of Doyle Henson, I say WE HAVE STRONG ROOTS!  We the family are his legacy.

Postscript

I learned a lot from Dad and revered him.  What type of a person are you?  Are you a “Here I am” person or a “There you are” type of person.  I choose to be a “There you are” person. I’d be interested in your comments.