The Toughest Person to Lead

I can’t remember where I heard the expression, but I do remember my parents telling me to be careful about pointing my finger.  The reason they told me to be careful is that when I point my finger at someone else, there are three fingers pointing back at me!

Additionally, my favorite leadership author, John C. Maxwell said “As a leader, the first person I need to lead is me.  The first person that I should try to change is me.”

These two concepts are quite simple:

• Don’t point out issues with others until you get your own house in order
• Start with working on yourself.

One thing I’ve noticed about myself and many people is that we tend to overcomplicate things.  We can’t believe some things about life are truly simple.  It can’t be this easy, can it?  Actually, it is.  Or, at least that’s my experience.  I’ve found that the toughest person I have had to lead (and continue struggling with) is myself.  When I analyze why, I come down to four key reasons:

1. I have an inflated ego.  I’ve heard it said that everyone believes they are above-average.  I know that I fall into that trap daily.  I also know this is the case when I am criticized in a manner I feel is not justified.  I believe having a healthy opinion about yourself isn’t inherently bad.  It’s when this opinion is out of line with reality.
2. I’m basically lazy.  I really enjoy reading.  I would rather read a good book than do any chores.  I also like to nap.  I thoroughly enjoy napping with my grandchildren, as it gives me an excuse to justify napping.  🙂
3. I’m a procrastinator.  I guess this goes along with being lazy, but mine is so bad that I’ve listed it as a separate reason.  I really perfected this during college.  I mean, who doesn’t cram for exams the night before?  I found out that I did better if I waited until the last minute.  (I know, this was a delusion!)  Later, during my career at Chevron, I found that I really worked best under pressure (another self-delusion).  I got pretty good at thinking about a problem or an issue, without taking definitive issue on until right before a deadline.  Some of my best emails, reports, or other written work was done right before a deadline.  I should have been a beat reporter on a newspaper.  The impact of my procrastination is not always saved by my last-minute scrambling.  I’ve recently had a personal issue with a neighbor that my wife told me about some time ago;  I procrastinated in addressing it (also my next character issue).  When I did get to it, it didn’t turn out as I hoped.
4. I avoid conflict.  Just ask any of my family!  I think this comes from my need to be liked.  When you add it to the other three reasons, it can really be problematic.  A couple of conflicts (like the issue with our neighbor) have recently backfired when I did address them.

When I started to write this post, I looked back at the above four reasons, and knew that if any of my employees exhibited these characteristics, I would have addressed them clearly during coaching and performance discussions.  This is hard to believe, since I avoid conflict.  I’m sure some of my former employees will recognize me addressing similar issues with them during coaching sessions.

The last sentence of the John Maxwell quote struck me.  Before I work on anyone else, I need to work on myself.  I’m not rid of these characteristics.  I like to think I’m getting better.  I know I’m a much better performer since I started addressing these things.

My plan for currently addressing these characteristics is laid out below:

• Inflated Ego:  I’m asking for more feedback from those who know me well.  I have an accountability partner who asks me pointed questions – this keeps me humble.  I also have committed to my wife to work on my responses to her (both tone and words).   There have been a few occurrences lately that have been rather humbling to me.  One of them is the outcome of my procrastination and conflict avoidance.  There’s nothing like humbling situations to put your ego in check.  I recognize my many shortcomings and am starting to vocalize them readily (it’s a work in progress for sure!). 
• Lazy:  I love to-do lists.  That’s an overstatement.  I’ve actually found that I love marking things off my to-do list!  If there’s something I don’t want to do, I first try the “Swiss cheese method” of doing a little bit at a time.  This gives me the positive reinforcement of marking something off my list and helps me to be more productive.  I’ve also shown my wife my system of keeping action items written down.  Recently, she started telling me to write things down, including her action items.  She told me if it gets on my list, it gets done.  Progress!
• Procrastinator:  This goes in line with my attack on my laziness.  I have found two tools to help me in this.  I utilize the Full Focus Planner, and have been since its inception.  I’ve found it to be the most integrated planner.  It’s also based on the science behind writing things down.  I love it and highly recommend it!  Check it out online.  I also use the digital tool Todoist.  I find this app to be good for managing reoccurring action items as well as projects.  (I do not receive anything from either of these tools – just passing along what works for me.)
• Conflict Avoidance:  I think the only way to work on this is to admit your tendency (which I’ve started to do) and expose yourself to resolving conflicts amicably and reasonably.  I admit I’ve just started with this one.  So far, I’ve exposed myself to one conflict and received positive results – which is a good start.  I’ll let you know how this goes. 

I’ve had some pretty challenging employees in my career.  I’ve encountered belligerence, anger, shouting, crying, as well as a threat to my life.  None of these challenges match the one I face whenever I look in the mirror.

How about you?  Do you believe John Maxwell’s premise about the first person to lead or change?  Would you agree you are your biggest leadership challenge?  Share with me your thoughts.

Now that I’ve shared my four characteristics I’ve identified and am working on, feel free to comment as to whether you agree with them or not (if you know me of course).  If you’ve done a similar self-examination, tell me how you overcame any character issues. 

I’d love to hear your thoughts.