Time with Dad

Late last year, I had the honor and privilege of spending three weeks with my then 90-year-old father.  My wife and I purchased a house and some acreage in East Tennessee, and I wanted to show Dad the property.  He lives in north Texas, so I flew to meet him and then drove him the 12+ hour journey to Tennessee.  We split this into two days, driving to Memphis the first day and then to our new home the next day.  We spent a week in Tennessee, then we brought Dad to New Orleans to spend Thanksgiving with our extended family.  I then drove him back to his home after three weeks of wonderful time together.

This trip gave Dad and me some wonderful, private “windshield time” where we got to visit about many things.  I cherish the time we spent together.  Dad seemed to enjoy it as well.  I’m very blessed to have a good relationship with my father.  He’s been my earthly role model, and yes, my idol.  I am proud to say that my father was my best man at my wedding.  This extended time with him was quite a blessing.

The time together with Dad caused me to reflect on many things.  I plan to write a separate blog on the leadership lessons I have learned from Dad.  This time with Dad brought a few observations about life in general.   Recently, there has been a new phrase used to describe the season of life I find myself in – “the sandwich generation.”  If you haven’t heard about it, it’s when you find yourself caring for your children and your elderly parents at the same time.  This is indeed a strange and different season of life.  You find yourself consumed with concern over aspects of your children’s life and your parent’s life at the same time.  This can cause you to neglect your own life.  It’s important that you take some time to look after your own welfare.  Like “sharpening the saw,” this is absolutely necessary to continue addressing areas you can help in both generations’ lives.

One observation I find rather endearing and troubling at the same time is how childlike the elderly become.  It’s troubling because you don’t like seeing the decline in your parent.  My Dad has always been a rock.  To see his decline is heartbreaking.  It’s endearing because it can be like seeing the world through the eyes of a child at times.  Working with Dad to learn how his iPhone worked is fun.  He coupled the learning with stories of his life that validated how far our civilization has come in terms of technology.

This past year (2020) has been a particularly hard time for everyone.  The isolation and sickness that has come with the COVID-19 pandemic has hit the elderly hardest.  My Dad is a social butterfly.  He enjoys visiting with people, and can find a connection with anyone.  For the majority of 2020, he’s been robbed of this interaction.  Spending three weeks with my family has helped address his need for personal connection and interaction.  It was great, humbling, and encouraging to see how much he improved in mental acuity over the three weeks.

Some would say that being in the “sandwich generation” is tough and unfair.  I look back on Dad’s life, and am humbled by how much he sacrificed for his family.  My Mom passed away four years ago after a very long bout with Parkinson’s.  My Dad was the primary caretaker for Mom.  They both refused to consider home healthcare or hospitalization (until the very end, when it was inevitable).  Watching my Dad’s selfless caring over his wife and life companion really touched me.  I’m a man of faith (as is my Dad), and viewed my Dad as the consummate role model of the Christian husband.  I saw how Mom’s care took its toll on Dad, but never witnessed discouragement in him.  He truly loved Mom as Christ loved the church, and willingly gave of himself to look after her.  When I think about that, it’s easier to give Dad the patience, respect, and love he needs and deserves as my earthly father.

Another positive of the time with Dad was the effects of unplugging from daily issues and enjoying family time.  We (the entire family) had a wonderful week in Tennessee, and I had a priceless experience with the “windshield time” with Dad.  I believe I need to write a separate post on the positive effects of unplugging. I hope you have enjoyed my short story.  Please leave your comments, as I enjoy the feedback.  Also, please enjoy your time with your family.  If you have elderly parents (or soon will), make time to spend with them.  You’ll cherish it!