I recently ran across the following quote from Anne Lamott: “Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.”  When I read that quote, I was actually in the middle of an extended time of “unplugging” from my normal routine.  My family and I headed to our property in Tennessee at the start of August.  Our intention was to stay there for four weeks.  This was extended to six weeks, due to the impact of Hurricane Ida on the Gulf Coast and our home in New Orleans.

Since we bought our property in Tennessee late last year, I’ve had more time away from “normal” distractions.  Our property is very rural.  We don’t have reliable high-speed internet, cable TV, and barely have cell service.  Waking up in the morning and drinking my coffee in the quiet rural setting with awesome views of the Smoky Mountains is peaceful and rejuvenating.  It’s good for my soul.  I find when I return to “city life” that it doesn’t take long for the pressures of life to return.

There have been many times in my career that I’ve truly needed and gotten time to unplug from the pressures and demands of my job.  I still have fond memories of family vacations where I did a good job of unplugging.  Our family trips have been as simple as renting a lake house on False River in Louisiana, or have been more adventurous like Wyoming and Montana; England, Ireland, and Scotland; and Thailand.  One particular fond memory is a two-week vacation in China in 2003 that my wife and I took with friends.  The common denominator in all these times was that I truly unplugged from work demands.  Note that I said “truly” and not “totally!”  There were a few times when my family had to remind me to stop looking at email!

I’ve found that I’ve enjoyed three key benefits to unplugging:

1. A fresh perspective:  I find that after I unplug for a period of time, I approach problems with a new and different perspective.  Hard problems don’t seem as hard.  Also, I don’t feel as stressed about the problem
2. More energy:  It’s not too surprising that this benefit exists.  Taking some time away from “normal” pressures and relaxing is really refreshing, both physically and mentally.
3. Higher motivation:  When I unplug, I use the time to really remember why I’m doing what I’m doing.  I also find that I do things while unplugged that I don’t normally do.  This gives me confidence.  With renewed confidence, I find that little extra dose of motivation I need to tackle the problems at hand.

Before you consider unplugging, there are three basic questions I think you should answer:

1. When should I unplug?  Sometimes, this is answered by your normal schedule.  When you have control over your schedule, pick a time that suits your support network.  For me, I preferred to schedule unplugging time during family vacations.  At a minimum, I would schedule time away with my wife.
2. Where should I unplug?  Pick a place that inspires you.  If you like a beach vacation (as I do), pick a beach that is convenient and reasonably priced.  You don’t need the stress of an expensive vacation – that defeats the purpose of unplugging.
3. What limits should I put on myself?  I suggest you minimize your time on your phone, email, or social media.

I hope you got something out of this post.   If you have experiences with unplugging that you would feel comfortable sharing, please reply to this post with your experiences.  At a minimum, I challenge you to schedule some time to unplug.  You’ll be better for it!

p.s. The photo is of Invergarry Castle in Scotland.

It’s been a while since I published on my blog.  I believe it’s been over three months.  If you followed my posts, you may have been wondering where I’ve been, what I’ve been doing, or if I’ve given up on writing.  Well, as Arnold said in “The Terminator” movie – I’m back!

What have I been up to in my absence?  Well, it started off with a planned one month stay at our property in Tennessee.  This month was fabulous.  Our extended family was there, so I had plenty of time with my daughters and grandchildren.  We even had some visitors.  The time was also very productive.  My wife and I were able to do a lot of “nesting” and unpacking that we hadn’t gotten around to.  I also had some quality reflection time.

The month was extended when Hurricane Ida hit the Gulf Coast.  Since our home in New Orleans didn’t have power, we stayed in the comfort of our home in Tennessee and watched the disaster from afar.  This was rough and will be the subject of a separate post.

It’s been a while since we returned to New Orleans.  This time has been spent trying to get our New Orleans life back to normal.  Last week, my wife and I went back to Tennessee for a few days to take care of some unfinished business, and to enjoy the solitude of life in the country.  We had a procession of wild turkeys escort us off the property (see photo).

I’ve got a list of a few new topics I’d like to write about.  I’ve started the outlines on a few of these topics and am excited to share them with you.  I hope to issue one post per week, and am targeting next Thursday (October 28, 2021) for my next post.  I’m tapping into the power of accountability by sharing my intention.  Keep me to it!  Feel free to message or email me if you think it’s been more than a week.

My next post will explore the power of unplugging.  As you can see from my absence, I believe in unplugging!  Please comment or reply to this post and let me know your thoughts.  Thanks in advance!

Late last year, I had the honor and privilege of spending three weeks with my then 90-year-old father.  My wife and I purchased a house and some acreage in East Tennessee, and I wanted to show Dad the property.  He lives in north Texas, so I flew to meet him and then drove him the 12+ hour journey to Tennessee.  We split this into two days, driving to Memphis the first day and then to our new home the next day.  We spent a week in Tennessee, then we brought Dad to New Orleans to spend Thanksgiving with our extended family.  I then drove him back to his home after three weeks of wonderful time together.

This trip gave Dad and me some wonderful, private “windshield time” where we got to visit about many things.  I cherish the time we spent together.  Dad seemed to enjoy it as well.  I’m very blessed to have a good relationship with my father.  He’s been my earthly role model, and yes, my idol.  I am proud to say that my father was my best man at my wedding.  This extended time with him was quite a blessing.

The time together with Dad caused me to reflect on many things.  I plan to write a separate blog on the leadership lessons I have learned from Dad.  This time with Dad brought a few observations about life in general.   Recently, there has been a new phrase used to describe the season of life I find myself in – “the sandwich generation.”  If you haven’t heard about it, it’s when you find yourself caring for your children and your elderly parents at the same time.  This is indeed a strange and different season of life.  You find yourself consumed with concern over aspects of your children’s life and your parent’s life at the same time.  This can cause you to neglect your own life.  It’s important that you take some time to look after your own welfare.  Like “sharpening the saw,” this is absolutely necessary to continue addressing areas you can help in both generations’ lives.

One observation I find rather endearing and troubling at the same time is how childlike the elderly become.  It’s troubling because you don’t like seeing the decline in your parent.  My Dad has always been a rock.  To see his decline is heartbreaking.  It’s endearing because it can be like seeing the world through the eyes of a child at times.  Working with Dad to learn how his iPhone worked is fun.  He coupled the learning with stories of his life that validated how far our civilization has come in terms of technology.

This past year (2020) has been a particularly hard time for everyone.  The isolation and sickness that has come with the COVID-19 pandemic has hit the elderly hardest.  My Dad is a social butterfly.  He enjoys visiting with people, and can find a connection with anyone.  For the majority of 2020, he’s been robbed of this interaction.  Spending three weeks with my family has helped address his need for personal connection and interaction.  It was great, humbling, and encouraging to see how much he improved in mental acuity over the three weeks.

Some would say that being in the “sandwich generation” is tough and unfair.  I look back on Dad’s life, and am humbled by how much he sacrificed for his family.  My Mom passed away four years ago after a very long bout with Parkinson’s.  My Dad was the primary caretaker for Mom.  They both refused to consider home healthcare or hospitalization (until the very end, when it was inevitable).  Watching my Dad’s selfless caring over his wife and life companion really touched me.  I’m a man of faith (as is my Dad), and viewed my Dad as the consummate role model of the Christian husband.  I saw how Mom’s care took its toll on Dad, but never witnessed discouragement in him.  He truly loved Mom as Christ loved the church, and willingly gave of himself to look after her.  When I think about that, it’s easier to give Dad the patience, respect, and love he needs and deserves as my earthly father.

Another positive of the time with Dad was the effects of unplugging from daily issues and enjoying family time.  We (the entire family) had a wonderful week in Tennessee, and I had a priceless experience with the “windshield time” with Dad.  I believe I need to write a separate post on the positive effects of unplugging. I hope you have enjoyed my short story.  Please leave your comments, as I enjoy the feedback.  Also, please enjoy your time with your family.  If you have elderly parents (or soon will), make time to spend with them.  You’ll cherish it!

The past few years, there’s been a lot of talk and writing (books, articles, blogs) about the topic of balancing work and life.  What exactly is “work/life balance” and can you actually balance competing demands of a career with your personal life?  I’d like to add my opinion to the mix, starting with a story.

Many years ago, I had the privilege of working for the highest-ranking female in Chevron.  This person was one of the most driven individuals I’ve worked around.  Her work ethic was intense and amazing.  She reached incredibly high in Chevron, and then left to take a CEO position outside of Chevron.

I heard a story about this person after I no longer worked for her.  She was at a townhall in a location that housed one of Chevron’s customer service call centers.  This location employed a large number of females.  Many of them were working mothers (as well as working single mothers).  During this townhall, one of the working mothers asked this executive how you balance work and home life.  The response was along the lines of “You don’t.  You make choices.  I made my choices and you’ll have to make your own.”  The response was not inspiring, and was tough for some to take.

If I answered that question, I would have answered it much differently.  Of course, as a male, I don’t have the perspective of a working mother.  (Side note – in my humble opinion, working mother is the most impressive role on the planet.  I couldn’t handle the pressures working mothers are under, and am continually super impressed with them!)

I believe you can balance a career with your family life.  I think my opinion stems from one of my core beliefs – that I work to provide for my family, not simply to achieve a certain position or level.  So, the start to balance resides in your core belief.  Why do you work?  Is it to achieve at all costs, or is it to provide for a certain lifestyle?  Are you comfortable with that choice?  I was quite comfortable with that choice.  Now that I’m retired, I’m thankful that my core belief was centered around the concept of family-first.  My retirement time is filled with family time.  I have satisfaction when I look back at my career.  Do I have regrets?  Of course, but I set them aside whenever they come up.  (Okay, I admit that sometimes, the amount of time that I wallow in my regret is much longer than I should.  I eventually come to peace with the situation.)

In all situations, when you have competing forces (like “work” and “life”), priorities matter.  As a leader, I believe that transparency is important.  I’ve told all my various teams that I come to work to fund my life.  Work is not my life – my family and faith are.

Since my role at work was to fund my life, I had a simple way to address this.  As mentioned, I was very open about my priorities with my employees.  If I got a call from my wife or one of my daughters, I’d try to stop whatever I was doing and take the call.  I had an agreement with my wife and daughters.  If I was in a meeting or couldn’t take their call, it would go to voicemail.  If the issue wasn’t critical, they were to leave a voicemail and I’d call when I could.  If the issue was critical, I told them to call the second time.  If I got a second call, I’d take the call.  My employees knew of this call and honored it.

Later in my career, if I was traveling internationally, my wife and daughters knew the time difference before I left.  I always called home daily, to check in.  As my daughters grew older, I also told them a little about what I was doing.  I remember one time I was in intense negotiations at an international location when one of my daughters called me on my cell phone.  I knew something was up because it was too early back home.  I excused myself from the negotiation session and took the call.  It was the right thing to do – a beloved pet had passed away and my daughter was letting me know.  I was glad I took the call and was able to sympathize and empathize with my daughter.

Let me know what you think.  Do you struggle with balancing your work and personal life?  How have you coped?

According to dictionary.com, the definition of indispensable is:

1. Adjective
   1. Absolutely necessary, essential, or requisite
   1. Incapable of being disregarded or neglected
2. Noun
   1. A person or thing that is indispensable.

I have heard it said that the secret to success is to make yourself indispensable at your job, career, or vocation.  As a teenager, I accepted that.  In my first full-time job, I got some sage advice from my first boss.  He told me his “Five-Gallon Bucket Rule.”  He said that if you ever think you are indispensable at work, fill a five-gallon bucket with water.  Look at the water in the bucket, then stick your hand in the water, and notice the difference when you pull your hand out.  You might leave a ripple or two, but the water will return later.  His key takeaway is that we are all replaceable.

I referred to that rule many times in my 40+ years of full-time employment.  As it relates to leadership, should the leader think of themself as indispensable?  No, the same rule applies.  I believe (using The Five-Gallon Bucket Rule) that the legacy the leader brings to the organization can be viewed as the ripples left in the bucket.  The stronger the legacy, the stronger the ripples.  But eventually, the water settles down and the calm in the bucket returns.

I guess the narcissistic leader would want the organization to fall apart after he/she leaves.  That’s not the style of leadership I espouse.  I’m comfortable in the legacy I left at Chevron.  Could I have done more or better?  Of course.  Did the organization return to stability after I left?  Of course.  I’m absolutely certain that happened right after I walked out of the office the last time.  The question I ask of myself, and I encourage you to ask of your leadership, is “Did I have a positive impact on others?”

In the last year after my retirement, a number of former colleagues have reached out to me for advice.  I am truly humbled and honored by that.  That tells me that my impact on them was positive.  Are they dependent on me?  Absolutely not.  I don’t want them to be.  My desire is to build leaders who would achieve much more than I did.

How about you?  Are you trying to be indispensable in your current leadership role?  If so, I challenge you to find and develop your replacement.  Also, ask yourself continuously how you could eliminate your job.  Instead of becoming indispensable, work yourself out of a job.  I was successful in my own job four different times at Chevron.  Leave on your own terms, and leave a positive legacy in doing so.

I’d love to know what you think of this.  Have you known people who strive to make themselves indispensable?  If so, how did that work out for them?  Have you known leaders who were content to develop their replacement?  How did that work?

I am a big World War II history buff.  One of my favorite books, “Band of Brothers” by Stephen Ambrose was made into a wonderful HBO series.  If you’ve seen this series, or have read the book, you know who Dick Winters is.  If not, Dick Winters was one of the first officers of Easy Company of the 506^th PIR (Parachute Infantry Regiment) of the 101^st Airborne Division (also known as the “Screaming Eagles”).

Easy Company was involved in a lot of the major battles in the European Theater.  This says a lot about the caliber of the soldiers in the unit, as well as the leadership of the unit.  Dick Winters embodied the spirit and leadership that made this unit great.

I recently read Dick Winters’ book “Beyond Band of Brothers, The War Memoirs of Major Dick Winters.”  This highly personal book is rich with leadership lessons.  One of the things that struck me was Winters’ admission that he was more comfortable with the front-line troops than he was with other officers.  I believe this helped him maintain his credibility with the troops.  They viewed him as “one of them” instead of an aloof officer.   The first leadership lesson I learned was the power of credibility.

A leader (either good or bad) will set an example to his/her followers.  The example, if it’s a bad one, will set a tone with the followers.  The second leadership lesson was If the leader’s example is a good one, followers will gladly follow.  As a combat leader, Winters tried to set a positive example in all he did.  One aspect was his personal grooming.  Dick Winters shaved every day, regardless of the combat conditions.  In his book, he said that he did this because one of his early commanders instructed the officers to shave every day.  The quote was “do it for the men in the morning; do it for the ladies in the evening.”  Dick Winters shaved every morning to set the example for the Easy Company soldiers.

Dick Winters was a humble man.  I believe humility is a requirement to be a good leader.  In one engagement in the war (which was portrayed in the HBO series), Dick Winters single-handedly engaged a rather large contingent of German troops.  He was on his own for precious minutes before his troops caught up with him (in his words – “I had to lead from the front”).  After this engagement, Winters was asked to write up an after-action review.  During this review, he never used the word “I” once – he wanted to give credit to his troops.  Dick Winters got great satisfaction from “the look of respect in the eyes of my men.”  The third leadership lesson was that a humble leader wants his or her team to succeed and get credit for their hard work.

Later in life, Dick Winters was asked to speak on leadership.  This was initially a bit awkward to him (he didn’t want the credit).  Eventually, he boiled down his view of leadership into ten items:

Leadership at the Point of the Bayonet: Ten Principles for Success

by Major Dick Winters Easy Company, 506th PIR, 101st Airborne Div. (“The Band of Brothers”)

1. Strive to be a leader of character, competence, and courage.

2. Lead from the front. Say, “Follow me!” and then lead the way.

3. Stay in top physical shape; physical stamina is the root of mental toughness.

4. Develop your team. If you know your people, are fair in setting realistic goals and expectations, and lead by example, you will develop teamwork.

5. Delegate responsibility to your subordinates and let them do their jobs. You can’t do a good job if you don’t have a chance to use your imagination and creativity.

6. Anticipate problems and prepare to overcome obstacles. Don’t wait until you get to the top of the ridge and then make up your mind.

7. Remain humble. Don’t worry about who receives the credit. Never let power or authority go to your head.

8. Take a moment of self-reflection. Look at yourself in the mirror every night and ask yourself if you did your best.

9. True satisfaction comes from getting the job done. The key to a successful leader is to earn respect not because of rank or position, but because you are a leader of character.

10. Hang Tough! Never, ever, give up.

(From Beyond Band of Brothers, The War Memoirs of Major Dick Winters, by Dick Winters and Col. Cole C. Kingseed. New York: Berkley Publishing Group, 2006. page 293.)

I find his ten points clear, simple, and effective.  If this philosophy of leadership was good enough to lead Easy Company through World War II, it should be good enough to apply in the battles of life and business today!

“When something bad happens to you, you have a choice to be bitter or better.  There’s only one letter difference between those two words, but a world of difference between the response.”  I don’t remember where I heard this, but was profoundly changed by this approach to dealing with bad outcomes.  I’ve used this concept in my own life and have also used it in my coaching and mentoring role.  It’s a universal concept that can help a person choose a response that will help them improve.

As a person of the Christian faith, I know I shouldn’t respond to negative events in a way that shows bitterness.  I’ve witnessed many people who routinely do that, and I am not impressed with how bitterness can turn a person into a miserable human being.  I decided I didn’t want to be one of those miserable people.  I admit that my initial response to a negative event is to strike out against the cause or the person behind the negative event.  That’s human nature.  It’s not “natural” to initially consider how I could have handled the situation better.  Once I make a decision to set aside my hurt or negative feelings, I feel an immediate sense of relief.  As I sit writing this, I find myself at that crossroads yet again.  In the past two days, a couple of negative events have happened in my life.  I’m struggling to deal with these events in a positive way.  I would prefer to stay in the “woe is me” state and lash out at the people and events that aren’t going the way I want.  At this crossroad, I can choose to stay in my current mental state (a personal “pity party” if you will), or I can choose a different path.  

How do I go about choosing a different path?  The first thing I do is to ask myself if my current state of mind is helping or hurting the situation.  If I’m not making the situation better, I need a change of attitude.  Will continuing down the bitter path provide a positive outcome?  Once I ask myself that question, it is clear that I need a change of direction.  I then ask what I can do differently.  That is the first step.  As you start down a different path, it’s essential to have confirmation that this different path is the correct one.  I have found that sharing my situation with my accountability partner both validates the path and ensures I’ve got someone who has my back.  If you don’t have an accountability partner, simply share your situation and desire to change paths with 1-2 close friends.  Simply sharing can enhance your likelihood for success, as it provides a heightened level of accountability.

Once I’ve changed paths, is the problem over?  No – not by a long shot!  I have often faced very tough challenges once I’ve tried to change paths.  It’s imperative that you build feedback into your journey to ensure that you stay committed to the new path.  Again, this is where an accountability partner can help with the situation.  It’s been said that feedback is a gift.  You have to maintain this mindset in order to stay the course with becoming better.

As the dust settles, and the raw emotions from the initial negative event have passed, I find that my mind has clarity about the initial situation and the new path I’m on.  This allows me to stay the better course and avoid the bitter course.

In closing, remember that life is tough.  We will face many trials and negative situations.  You don’t always have the power to choose the situations you face.  You do have the choice on how you respond.  I hope you can choose to become better, not bitter.  It is a simple, yet profound choice.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject.  Have you experienced bitterness?  Have you felt the positive feeling associated with choosing to become better and not bitter?

As a leader, who is a Christian, I strongly believe in divine intervention and divine appointments.   On Monday, May 21, 2018, I was on the receiving end of a divine appointment.   I had just enjoyed a wonderful weekend with my family.  My girls (wife, two daughters, and granddaughter) spent over three days of great bonding time.  We took a good road trip, enjoyed time with my 87-year-old father, and then spent Sunday with my extended family.

Monday morning in Dallas, I had to leave my girls and take a flight back to Houston for work.   They waited with me at the hotel while I ordered an Uber to DFW.   I said my goodbyes when my ride showed up and went to put my luggage in the Uber’s trunk.   When I looked in the trunk, I saw three books: a Bible, a concordance, and a John Maxwell book (Developing the Leader Within You 2.0).   I introduced myself to Timothy, my driver.

In the car, I told Timothy I saw the three books in his trunk and was impressed.   I then spent the next 40 minutes in the best Uber ride I’ve enjoyed.   I found out that Timothy is a pastor and fellow student of leadership.   We talked about faith, family, leadership, and John Maxwell.   Timothy told me he wasn’t looking forward to his Uber shift that day, but was so encouraged after our ride that he was looking forward to the day.   I shared that I was sad to be separated from my girls, and wasn’t looking forward to my day either.   After our ride, I was excited to tackle work and the week.   What a blessing!

Why did I think this ride was so special?   I feel that Timothy and I were two men needing comfort, support, and encouragement so we could go about our work to provide for our families.   That’s exactly what we got that Monday morning.   Divine appointments are wonderful things!

As a leader, you need to be always on the lookout for divine appointments.  Through it, you can grow into the leader you are meant to be.

I hope this post gives someone the encouragement they need to face the challenge that confronts them.   On May 21, 2018, I was encouraged to take the time to connect with Timothy in an intentional way.  If this post encourages you, chalk it up to divine intervention!

(Originally written June 13, 2018 – please read all the way for an update from 2021)

I just recently celebrated my 39-year service anniversary at Chevron.  I’ve attended retirement celebrations for many friends lately.  I’m asked frequently by coworkers when I’m retiring.  At this date, I still haven’t decided when I’ll retire.  I have spent a good deal of time reflecting on my career.  I’ve also spent some time thinking of the legacy I hope to have left here at Chevron.  I encourage everyone (regardless of age) to ask yourself what you want to be remembered for.  If you’re at the start of your career, this will help guide you.  If you’re mid-career, you have time to correct course.  If you’re at the end of your career, you’ll have the ability to evaluate if your legacy is what you intended.

I want to be remembered for:

• My devotion to my family:  While I’ve had a long career at Chevron, my life is my family.  I work to provide for my wife and daughters.  Work is not my life – it is a means to an end for me.  I hope that this has been evident in my dealings at work.
• Adding value:  I had the privilege of meeting Zig Ziglar when I was in high school.  One of my favorite quotes from him is “You can get everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want.”  I hope to have lived my life at work fulfilling that quote.   Adding value to others makes me feel like I’ve truly accomplished something.  I hope I’ve added value to my colleagues.
• Negotiating well:  I want to also be known as a person who added value to my employer by negotiating solid deals.  I don’t want to be known as the “easy mark” (the person easily taken advantage of in a negotiation) nor do I want to be known as the “sleazy dealmaker” who is always taking advantage of others.  I want to be a respected negotiator.
• Developing my team members:  I get an amazing amount of satisfaction at watching my team members grow and develop in their roles.  I hope I’m remembered as a leader who challenged and reinforced people.
• Coaching and mentoring:  In addition to my direct reports, I find myself able to coach and mentor many people on many different topics.  I get a buzz from seeing anyone improve their performance or attitude because of my coaching.  I don’t want to be known as the person who always tells stories about how I did things, but as a coach who truly connected with people and tailor my advice to their needs (hopefully adding value again).
• My humor on the job:  I like to have fun at work.  I believe we spend too much time at work to not have fun.  I take my work seriously, but I don’t take myself seriously.  I hope that has resulted in a positive work environment for others.

Well, when I look at this list, I admit I’m certain I missed the mark on a few of these.  How would others see my legacy?  I’ll let you know when my retirement comes along.  The retirement celebrations I’ve attended recently talked about the legacy the retirees left.  I’ll let you know what folks say about me!

UPDATE: First Quarter, 2021

I can’t believe it’s been almost three years since I wrote this.  I decided to retire at the end of August, 2019 after more than 40 years at Chevron.  I was humbled to attend not one, but a handful of celebrations of my career.  Through numerous stories and testimonials, it appears I didn’t miss as many marks as I thought in 2018.

For the past year and a half, I’ve been really enjoying time with my family.  My family life is so full now, I often remark I don’t know how I found time to go into the office!

One thing I do know: no matter where you are in your career, I encourage you to ponder the legacy you want to leave.  How well are you doing on that?  Take the time to evaluate how you’re doing, and what you can to do improve your legacy.  Course corrections can and should be made at any time in order to stay the course!