I can’t remember where I heard the expression, but I do remember my parents telling me to be careful about pointing my finger.  The reason they told me to be careful is that when I point my finger at someone else, there are three fingers pointing back at me!

Additionally, my favorite leadership author, John C. Maxwell said “As a leader, the first person I need to lead is me.  The first person that I should try to change is me.”

These two concepts are quite simple:

• Don’t point out issues with others until you get your own house in order
• Start with working on yourself.

One thing I’ve noticed about myself and many people is that we tend to overcomplicate things.  We can’t believe some things about life are truly simple.  It can’t be this easy, can it?  Actually, it is.  Or, at least that’s my experience.  I’ve found that the toughest person I have had to lead (and continue struggling with) is myself.  When I analyze why, I come down to four key reasons:

1. I have an inflated ego.  I’ve heard it said that everyone believes they are above-average.  I know that I fall into that trap daily.  I also know this is the case when I am criticized in a manner I feel is not justified.  I believe having a healthy opinion about yourself isn’t inherently bad.  It’s when this opinion is out of line with reality.
2. I’m basically lazy.  I really enjoy reading.  I would rather read a good book than do any chores.  I also like to nap.  I thoroughly enjoy napping with my grandchildren, as it gives me an excuse to justify napping.  🙂
3. I’m a procrastinator.  I guess this goes along with being lazy, but mine is so bad that I’ve listed it as a separate reason.  I really perfected this during college.  I mean, who doesn’t cram for exams the night before?  I found out that I did better if I waited until the last minute.  (I know, this was a delusion!)  Later, during my career at Chevron, I found that I really worked best under pressure (another self-delusion).  I got pretty good at thinking about a problem or an issue, without taking definitive issue on until right before a deadline.  Some of my best emails, reports, or other written work was done right before a deadline.  I should have been a beat reporter on a newspaper.  The impact of my procrastination is not always saved by my last-minute scrambling.  I’ve recently had a personal issue with a neighbor that my wife told me about some time ago;  I procrastinated in addressing it (also my next character issue).  When I did get to it, it didn’t turn out as I hoped.
4. I avoid conflict.  Just ask any of my family!  I think this comes from my need to be liked.  When you add it to the other three reasons, it can really be problematic.  A couple of conflicts (like the issue with our neighbor) have recently backfired when I did address them.

When I started to write this post, I looked back at the above four reasons, and knew that if any of my employees exhibited these characteristics, I would have addressed them clearly during coaching and performance discussions.  This is hard to believe, since I avoid conflict.  I’m sure some of my former employees will recognize me addressing similar issues with them during coaching sessions.

The last sentence of the John Maxwell quote struck me.  Before I work on anyone else, I need to work on myself.  I’m not rid of these characteristics.  I like to think I’m getting better.  I know I’m a much better performer since I started addressing these things.

My plan for currently addressing these characteristics is laid out below:

• Inflated Ego:  I’m asking for more feedback from those who know me well.  I have an accountability partner who asks me pointed questions – this keeps me humble.  I also have committed to my wife to work on my responses to her (both tone and words).   There have been a few occurrences lately that have been rather humbling to me.  One of them is the outcome of my procrastination and conflict avoidance.  There’s nothing like humbling situations to put your ego in check.  I recognize my many shortcomings and am starting to vocalize them readily (it’s a work in progress for sure!). 
• Lazy:  I love to-do lists.  That’s an overstatement.  I’ve actually found that I love marking things off my to-do list!  If there’s something I don’t want to do, I first try the “Swiss cheese method” of doing a little bit at a time.  This gives me the positive reinforcement of marking something off my list and helps me to be more productive.  I’ve also shown my wife my system of keeping action items written down.  Recently, she started telling me to write things down, including her action items.  She told me if it gets on my list, it gets done.  Progress!
• Procrastinator:  This goes in line with my attack on my laziness.  I have found two tools to help me in this.  I utilize the Full Focus Planner, and have been since its inception.  I’ve found it to be the most integrated planner.  It’s also based on the science behind writing things down.  I love it and highly recommend it!  Check it out online.  I also use the digital tool Todoist.  I find this app to be good for managing reoccurring action items as well as projects.  (I do not receive anything from either of these tools – just passing along what works for me.)
• Conflict Avoidance:  I think the only way to work on this is to admit your tendency (which I’ve started to do) and expose yourself to resolving conflicts amicably and reasonably.  I admit I’ve just started with this one.  So far, I’ve exposed myself to one conflict and received positive results – which is a good start.  I’ll let you know how this goes. 

I’ve had some pretty challenging employees in my career.  I’ve encountered belligerence, anger, shouting, crying, as well as a threat to my life.  None of these challenges match the one I face whenever I look in the mirror.

How about you?  Do you believe John Maxwell’s premise about the first person to lead or change?  Would you agree you are your biggest leadership challenge?  Share with me your thoughts.

Now that I’ve shared my four characteristics I’ve identified and am working on, feel free to comment as to whether you agree with them or not (if you know me of course).  If you’ve done a similar self-examination, tell me how you overcame any character issues. 

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

This last Thursday was Thanksgiving Day in the U.S.  As I started preparing for this holiday, I thought I should do the holiday right and remember all that I have in my life to be thankful for.  It’s a shame that we don’t often reflect on the many blessings we have in our lives except for one day a year.  The past two years have been a bit better for me.  I try to journal my prayer time every day.  My daily prayer journal includes a small paragraph for giving thanks.  It’s been nice, and has an effect on my outlook.  I don’t seem to have the stress I used to (yes, even retired people have stress!).  I highly recommend contemplating gratitude and thankfulness each day.  It will give you a fresh, new perspective on life.

The past year or so has been rather chaotic if you listen to the news.  It seems to me that there is so much divisiveness in the world today.  I don’t think it’s ever been this bad, but maybe I’m wrong.  This divisiveness seems to cause everyone to look for all that’s wrong in the world, and all the wrong “they” are doing (regardless of who “they” are).  I’ve got the start of a post on the destructive nature of divisiveness, so stay tuned.

This year, I am thankful for many things:

1. My Faith:  if you’ve read my posts, you know that I profess to be a Christ-follower.  I rely heavily on my faith for comfort and peace.  This has given me a sense of calm in this crazy world.  I hope you have some strength you can rely on.
2. My Family:
   • This December, I will celebrate my 43rd wedding anniversary with my wife.  I am so blessed to have a mate like her.  Sometimes it’s only the two of us against the world, but I always have a teammate.   I can’t imagine life without her, and look forward to what the future has in store.
   • We have two grown daughters.  Children truly are a gift from God (IMHO).  Our two daughters are both mothers of their own now.  It’s incredibly rewarding to see how these two have grown and matured into amazing humans and loving mothers.  I am so proud of both of them.
   • We now have three grandchildren (one girl and two boys).  Man, I can’t adequately express how much fun it is to be a grandparent.  We have had the distinct honor and privilege of supporting our working daughters by providing supplemental childcare for them.  Grandchildren keep you young at heart, and at the same time can make you feel very old.  I wouldn’t have it any other way.
   • I have a remarkable relationship with my 91-year old father, and am so glad we talk often.  I’ve already written a post about extended time with him last year (add link), and plan to publish a post on the leadership lessons I’ve learned from him.
   • I have two sisters.  Unfortunately, we don’t live close by, but I still have a good relationship with them and enjoy catching up with them about their lives, and the lives of their extended family.  We’ve grown a bit closer over the last year, as we’ve discussed my dad’s health and future.
   • Our extended family is pretty large.  We are hosting Thanksgiving dinner at our house this year.  There will be over 30 people here, split between adults and children.  I’m looking forward to the family time.
3. My Health: for my age (63), I’m still in relatively good health.  I’m blessed.  I don’t take any prescription drugs.  I do take supplements.  I get regular exercise.  I can’t do the things I used to do, but I can still get around pretty well.
4. My Friends:  I’ve reconnected to quite a few friends this past year.  It’s been great finding out what’s been happening in their lives.  I’ve also been very pleased with the comments I’ve received on my blog posts.  It’s been heartwarming.

There are so many “things” (possessions) I could be thankful for.  When I look back on the four things I’ve listed above, nothing else truly compares.

What are you thankful for?  I’d love to hear your thoughts on gratitude and thankfulness.

I have heard it said that leading a non-profit is easy.  My experience is the exact opposite.  I firmly believe that if you can motivate and lead people who have no economic reason to follow you (like getting a paycheck), you can lead anyone. 

As I’ve stated before, I’m a man of faith.  I’ve been very active in church life most of my life.  I served on the board of three separate churches.  It was when I served as the chairman of the Elder Board for a church, that I faced my toughest leadership challenges.  I have served as the chair two separate times.  The first time, I was the youngest chair of the board in the church’s history.  I served in this role for a couple of years, leading the church staff through strategic planning and personal development activities.  We were transferred, so I stepped down.  We returned to this church a few years later, and I was elected to the board (and chairmanship) a year after return.  It was during the next few years that I faced my toughest leadership challenges.

This church had a congregation-led governance model.  That meant that the staff (pastoral and administrative) reported to the Board of Elders.  Shortly after I became Chairman again, our Senior Pastor resigned.  Until the church found a replacement for our Senior Pastor, leadership (even spiritual) of our church reverted to the Board.  As leader of the Board, I became the de facto leader of the church.  This was an incredibly humbling time for me.  I didn’t (and still don’t) feel worthy or qualified to lead.

There were a number of issues I had to deal with during this time.  Before the Senior Pastor left, I facilitated a strategic planning effort for the church.  This pulled on my experience at Chevron, where I had been trained to facilitate teams through numerous strategic planning efforts.  It was different only in that I wasn’t a neutral facilitator, but as a member of the congregation, I had a stake in the future of the church.

Shortly after the senior pastor left, an issue arose that struck the church to the core and severely tested my leadership skills and abilities.  While we were seeking a replacement, it came out that one of the elders was having an affair with another elder’s wife.  Both families were very visible in their service to the church.  I became aware of the situation at the start of a board meeting.  The elder who was having an affair showed up only to submit his resignation from the church and the board.  The wife of the other elder was an active member of the worship ministry, and would be visibly absent the first Sunday after this affair came to light.  As a board, we had a duty to explain the situation (as best we could while protecting confidentiality and staying true to our legal duties).  That Sunday, after worship, I called for an all-church meeting.  I had a script that had been approved by the board and our counsel.  There were certain things I could and couldn’t say.  After the script, I opened the floor for questions.  As you can imagine, the congregation was stunned.  I had to do my best to alleviate concerns while adhering to the right and proper things to say.  I still very clearly remember that after-church meeting.  I also remember the fallout from this incident meant that some folks left our church.  The whole event still saddens me whenever I recall it.

Our search for a new pastor continued.  I had to lead the congregation, the Board, as well as the Search Committee (who reported to the Board).  At the right time, we met the perfect candidate.  The Search Committee met with this candidate and watched him preach a few times.  The board met with this candidate a couple of times.  The second time was rather long and involved.  It was clear to everyone that this was the right person for our church at that time.

The candidate had one request of our church.  He wanted to transition the church from a congregation-led model to a staff-led model.  There would still be a need for the Board of Elders, but in much more of an oversight, governance, and consultation role.  I really agreed with the candidate, because I strongly felt unqualified to lead in many of the areas that were required of a Senior Pastor.  At a closed session, the Board met and discussed this request.  We unanimously agreed to the change in governance models.  We also agreed unanimously that the candidate was the right person to lead our congregation at that point.  We offered the job, and got a conditional acceptance.  The candidate would accept the job AFTER the church constitution was changed.

As the Chairman of the Board, I took the lead on a communication plan with the congregation.  We started a period of time explaining the rationale for the change to the congregation.  We also spent much time in congregational meetings to work through the rationale, the actual wording of the constitutional changes, as well as addressing any concerns from the congregation.  I gained a lot of experience communicating and dealing with tough (sometimes very confrontational) questions in a public forum.  When the vote came, the congregation voted to accept the changes the Board recommended.  The Board then went into a transition mode with our new Senior Pastor.  I still have very fond memories of developing a friendship with our new Senior Pastor, and working with him during the transition.

This leadership role was my toughest role in my leadership life.  In spite of this, I learned many invaluable lessons that I was able to apply in all leadership roles.  These included:

• Sometimes a leader doesn’t get to choose when they need to step into a leadership role.  I wasn’t the most qualified person to lead a Board of Elders of a Christian church, but I was the one who was available and willing to step up.
• Leading volunteers is hard.  In a vocational leadership role, your employees need to follow your leadership in order to get a paycheck.  That’s not the case in a volunteer organization.  Understanding and embracing this early on helped me to understand the next lesson.
• If you can lead volunteers, you can lead anyone.  When given the option, the easy choice for a leader would be to lead employees (where you control their paycheck and motivation to do a task or job).  If you can lead without the “threat” of the paycheck, you can more easily lead when you have that control.
• Not everyone will follow you as a leader.  There were many times we lost some members of the congregation.  This was very hard for me to take.  I felt much sorrow, but had to stick to the vision and plan.  There are times when some people don’t want to go where you’re leading.  As a leader, I feel I have a moral obligation to work with them, and gracefully help them transition.
• Transparency and vulnerability during difficult times is an absolute requirement of a leader.  I was rather open with as much as I could legally and morally share during this leadership role.  I got feedback from many people (including some that left the church) that my openness was greatly appreciated.  It developed trust with the followers.
• A leader needs a support network outside of the organization.  I cannot tell you how helpful my family and friends outside of the church were to me during the toughest times.  If you don’t have a circle of trust outside your current organization, get one!

Looking back on this experience, I grew tremendously as a leader.  The best analogy I can come up with is that of a foundry.  In order for steel to be strengthened and formed into useful tools and equipment, it has to go through extreme heat and pressure.  I definitely felt the heat and pressure during this time, and realized afterwards that I am a much stronger person and leader.  I wouldn’t trade this experience.

I’d love to hear your comments.

Sometimes a leader has to take responsibility, even when it may reflect poorly on them.  I learned a few lessons about accountability and responsibility during one of my positions at Chevron.

First, a little background.  When I served as General Manager for North America Supply Chain in Chevron’s Global Lubricants organization (2005-2006), I had responsibility over nine (9) plants in Canada, U.S., and Mexico.  I was one of four regional supply chain GMs in the global unit.  We also had GMs of Sales and Marketing in four regions as well.   As an operations unit, there was a significant focus on safety and incident-free operations.  In order to reinforce safe operations, the President of Chevron Global Lubricants conducted a monthly incident review meeting (President’s Incident Review Meeting, or PIRM).  During these meetings, everyone in the chain of command in an area that had an incident (from front-line supervisor to the President) attended.  The front-line supervisor had the responsibility to provide the background on the incident, as well as present the lessons learned.

During the first few months of my tenure, I had to attend every monthly meeting.  I found this disturbing.  At some point, I believe it to be 4-5 months in, the President expressed deep concern over the rising number of incidents and expressed a desire to hold a one-day “safety stand-down” globally.  I respectfully challenged him, saying the problem wasn’t a global issue.  His response was to then say that North America should take a safety stand-down.  Once again, I challenged (in the presence of my boss, the VP of North America), saying the issue wasn’t a North America issue.  I hadn’t seen a representative from North America Sales, Marketing, or staff in any of the PIRMs yet.  I stated that the issue was in North America Supply Chain, and volunteered to host a system-wide, one-day shutdown of all our plants in order to discuss the disturbing rise in incidents.

I then called my leadership team together (via conference call) and set the following guidelines:

• For one day, all of our plants would shut down operations and spend the day reviewing incidents and developing plans to become incident-free.
• All North America Supply Chain supervisors would meet separately in a central location.  Local and regional staff (non-supervisors) would conduct the local plant meetings using a standard agenda.
• I would designate a team of people to put together agendas (one for the plant meetings, the other for the supervisors’ meeting).
• We would schedule this meeting well ahead, so that our Sales and Marketing colleagues could work with our customers and adequately prepare for the shut-down.
• I asked the team developing the supervisors’ meeting to ensure I had time on the agenda for opening remarks.

I don’t remember the agenda for the supervisors’ meeting, but I definitely remember preparing my remarks.  I vividly remember updating and editing them on the plane to Houston, where we would all meet at a conference room in the airport hotel.  I knew that my remarks, and my leadership, would set the tone for, hopefully, an improvement in the safe operations of all our employees.

As we opened the meeting, I remember making the following points to the North America Supply Chain supervisors:

• Leadership sets the tone.  Everyone in this room is a leader of some group in our organization.
• Our current performance on safely is unacceptable.  I shared my personal philosophy that incident-free operations are possible.  Most of us in this room had flown to Houston for this meeting.  I stated I didn’t want to fly on an airline with a 97% safe flying record.  I wanted 100%, and asked the room if everyone agreed.  They did.
• As a leader, I know that I set the tone for our organization.  I then said that my performance is unacceptable, and told the group that I knew I would not be able to achieve a perfect performance rating this year due to our safety record (and our VP, who was in the audience, confirmed).
• I then made a bold statement: any supervisor in this room who has an incident (even 1) will not achieve a perfect performance rating, even if they “hit it out the park” on all other metrics.

We went on to have a good meeting, and left with a high level of commitment to improve our safety performance.  The group went on to improve this performance significantly.  After the year was over, we went into our performance ranking sessions.  I went into that room with a recap of incident rates by supervisor.  I was surprised when some of my direct reports put some of their supervisors up for perfect performance ratings when they had incidents in their individual units.  When this happened, I overruled the prospective rating.

Years after, I have reflected on the lessons learned from this experience.  I have come up with a few of them:

• The leader must take responsibility for the performance of their organization.
• The leader’s words and actions set the tone for the team’s performance.
• Accountability is a wonderful thing.  As the adage goes, what gets measured gets done.
• Accountability starts at the top of the organization.
• If the leader doesn’t embrace accountability, the rest of the organization will not accept accountability.
• As a leader, you must follow through on certain challenges.  I saw this need at our performance ranking sessions.  When I followed through on my challenge, my team knew I was good at my word.

I’d love to hear your comments on a leader’s need and call to accept responsibility and follow up with appropriate accountability.

Question: Is incident command/emergency response the right place for a servant leader?

Early in my Chevron career, I managed a small group that watched over marine (barge) operations in the US West Coast (UCWC).  Part of my role included serving on the worldwide spill response advisory team.  I got the honor of attending a seven-day oil spill response/incident command training session at Texas A&M Galveston.  This training included an understanding of the Incident Command Structure (ICS).

Fresh with my newly-found knowledge, I attended an oil spill drill.  There were two cool things about this drill.  First, it was in Honolulu, Hawaii (much better than Galveston, Texas in the summer!).  Second, I acted as the Cargo Owner, so I really had a seat on the sidelines.  I got to witness a very experienced Incident Commander (former Air Force officer) run the drill perfectly.  This showed me how an effective ICS could respond to an emergency to the satisfaction of local, state, and federal officials.  The Incident Commander (IC) exhibited a very calm, confident style.  He was directive in many aspects of the response, but was open to input from various ICS leaders.  I had a prior commercial relationship with this IC, so I had seen him in a collaborative environment naturally.  Watching how he transitioned from a collaborative approach to a directive approach was eye-opening to me.

I had two direct experiences with actual incident command response.  The first occurred in December of 2003.  I was over the US West Coast fuel oil operations.  I got a call in the middle of the night that one of our barge deliveries of industrial fuel oil experienced a spill while loading at a terminal.  Initial reports indicated a small spill, so I agreed with our operations coordinator to show up in the office early to plan a response.  Since we were the cargo owner, we were letting the carrier (barge owner/operator) take primary responsibility (in line with ICS protocol).  Should the carrier fail to manage the spill in a responsible manner, the cargo owner is next in line for responsibility.  Our company had an Advisory Response Team (ART) that could be activated to assist the carrier’s response.  This team hadn’t been activated in many years.  When it became evident that the spill was much larger than initial reports, and had shown up on CNN, I made the call to activate ART.  I then flew to the site of the spill (Pacific Northwest) and got to witness first-hand the ICS in action.  Fortunately, the carrier did an excellent job of responding and we (as cargo owner) stayed in an advisory function only.  I got to witness how the IC balanced the needs for the directive approach to cleanup and the collaborative approach with the local population and regulators (local, state, and federal).

My second direct experience was application of ICS to a hurricane recovery effort in 2005.  Approximately one month after Hurricane Katrina, Hurricane Rita impacted our largest lubricants blending facility in Port Arthur, Texas.  The facility was severely damaged.  The loss of this facility impacted our entire North America supply chain, and had an impact on European and Latin America export supply.  We had two incident command structures in place to respond.  The first (most critical) was the physical response at the plant – ensuring the employees were safe and the plant was safely returned to operation.  The second was to manage the damage to the supply chain.  I was named the IC of the second effort.  Since I was over all North America supply chain operations, I also played a role in ensuring the plant-level response effort was effectively managed.  In this dual role, I got to see how the ICS can be used effectively (plant-level) and ineffectively (supply chain response).  In my supply chain IC role, I had to work within a management structure that had little to no ICS experience.  As a result, I had to continually explain the situation and defend actions taken while managing an incident response.

My experience in understanding and applying the principles of incident command gave me two key insights:

1. A servant-leader can effectively manage incident command.  A truly effective IC will be able to balance the “command and control” aspects of incident response (directing people to complete tasks, making decisions that affect the incident response, and ensuring accountability of all responders) with the more collaborative needs (public affairs, media response, regulatory oversight, etc.).  The collaborative approach comes naturally to a servant-leader.  If this is done well, it provides a buffer to the incident response team.  This allows the team to proceed with responding to an incident without having to worry about demands from stakeholders and community.  I saw this play out in the oil spill drill in Hawaii.  The IC was sensitive and directive (as needed by the decision or instance).  I appreciated how my team rallied around me to respond to a significant supply chain disruption.  My team saw how I took full responsibility from various stakeholders, and allowed them to do what they were supposed to do (restore the supply chain).
2. Incident command structure brings clarity around accountability and decision-making.  While this clarity doesn’t prevent inclusion and collaboration, it helps the leader with certainty over responsibility.  Structure does help effective response.  It makes delegation easier (specific roles and responsibilities), and clarifies accountability and responsibility.

While I wouldn’t suggest volunteering as an Incident Commander to an actual disaster as a way to hone a person’s leadership skills, I encourage all leaders to embrace the learning that can occur when faced with any challenge driven by unfortunate events.

I’d love to hear your comments on this post.

I recently ran across the following quote from Anne Lamott: “Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.”  When I read that quote, I was actually in the middle of an extended time of “unplugging” from my normal routine.  My family and I headed to our property in Tennessee at the start of August.  Our intention was to stay there for four weeks.  This was extended to six weeks, due to the impact of Hurricane Ida on the Gulf Coast and our home in New Orleans.

Since we bought our property in Tennessee late last year, I’ve had more time away from “normal” distractions.  Our property is very rural.  We don’t have reliable high-speed internet, cable TV, and barely have cell service.  Waking up in the morning and drinking my coffee in the quiet rural setting with awesome views of the Smoky Mountains is peaceful and rejuvenating.  It’s good for my soul.  I find when I return to “city life” that it doesn’t take long for the pressures of life to return.

There have been many times in my career that I’ve truly needed and gotten time to unplug from the pressures and demands of my job.  I still have fond memories of family vacations where I did a good job of unplugging.  Our family trips have been as simple as renting a lake house on False River in Louisiana, or have been more adventurous like Wyoming and Montana; England, Ireland, and Scotland; and Thailand.  One particular fond memory is a two-week vacation in China in 2003 that my wife and I took with friends.  The common denominator in all these times was that I truly unplugged from work demands.  Note that I said “truly” and not “totally!”  There were a few times when my family had to remind me to stop looking at email!

I’ve found that I’ve enjoyed three key benefits to unplugging:

1. A fresh perspective:  I find that after I unplug for a period of time, I approach problems with a new and different perspective.  Hard problems don’t seem as hard.  Also, I don’t feel as stressed about the problem
2. More energy:  It’s not too surprising that this benefit exists.  Taking some time away from “normal” pressures and relaxing is really refreshing, both physically and mentally.
3. Higher motivation:  When I unplug, I use the time to really remember why I’m doing what I’m doing.  I also find that I do things while unplugged that I don’t normally do.  This gives me confidence.  With renewed confidence, I find that little extra dose of motivation I need to tackle the problems at hand.

Before you consider unplugging, there are three basic questions I think you should answer:

1. When should I unplug?  Sometimes, this is answered by your normal schedule.  When you have control over your schedule, pick a time that suits your support network.  For me, I preferred to schedule unplugging time during family vacations.  At a minimum, I would schedule time away with my wife.
2. Where should I unplug?  Pick a place that inspires you.  If you like a beach vacation (as I do), pick a beach that is convenient and reasonably priced.  You don’t need the stress of an expensive vacation – that defeats the purpose of unplugging.
3. What limits should I put on myself?  I suggest you minimize your time on your phone, email, or social media.

I hope you got something out of this post.   If you have experiences with unplugging that you would feel comfortable sharing, please reply to this post with your experiences.  At a minimum, I challenge you to schedule some time to unplug.  You’ll be better for it!

p.s. The photo is of Invergarry Castle in Scotland.

It’s been a while since I published on my blog.  I believe it’s been over three months.  If you followed my posts, you may have been wondering where I’ve been, what I’ve been doing, or if I’ve given up on writing.  Well, as Arnold said in “The Terminator” movie – I’m back!

What have I been up to in my absence?  Well, it started off with a planned one month stay at our property in Tennessee.  This month was fabulous.  Our extended family was there, so I had plenty of time with my daughters and grandchildren.  We even had some visitors.  The time was also very productive.  My wife and I were able to do a lot of “nesting” and unpacking that we hadn’t gotten around to.  I also had some quality reflection time.

The month was extended when Hurricane Ida hit the Gulf Coast.  Since our home in New Orleans didn’t have power, we stayed in the comfort of our home in Tennessee and watched the disaster from afar.  This was rough and will be the subject of a separate post.

It’s been a while since we returned to New Orleans.  This time has been spent trying to get our New Orleans life back to normal.  Last week, my wife and I went back to Tennessee for a few days to take care of some unfinished business, and to enjoy the solitude of life in the country.  We had a procession of wild turkeys escort us off the property (see photo).

I’ve got a list of a few new topics I’d like to write about.  I’ve started the outlines on a few of these topics and am excited to share them with you.  I hope to issue one post per week, and am targeting next Thursday (October 28, 2021) for my next post.  I’m tapping into the power of accountability by sharing my intention.  Keep me to it!  Feel free to message or email me if you think it’s been more than a week.

My next post will explore the power of unplugging.  As you can see from my absence, I believe in unplugging!  Please comment or reply to this post and let me know your thoughts.  Thanks in advance!

Late last year, I had the honor and privilege of spending three weeks with my then 90-year-old father.  My wife and I purchased a house and some acreage in East Tennessee, and I wanted to show Dad the property.  He lives in north Texas, so I flew to meet him and then drove him the 12+ hour journey to Tennessee.  We split this into two days, driving to Memphis the first day and then to our new home the next day.  We spent a week in Tennessee, then we brought Dad to New Orleans to spend Thanksgiving with our extended family.  I then drove him back to his home after three weeks of wonderful time together.

This trip gave Dad and me some wonderful, private “windshield time” where we got to visit about many things.  I cherish the time we spent together.  Dad seemed to enjoy it as well.  I’m very blessed to have a good relationship with my father.  He’s been my earthly role model, and yes, my idol.  I am proud to say that my father was my best man at my wedding.  This extended time with him was quite a blessing.

The time together with Dad caused me to reflect on many things.  I plan to write a separate blog on the leadership lessons I have learned from Dad.  This time with Dad brought a few observations about life in general.   Recently, there has been a new phrase used to describe the season of life I find myself in – “the sandwich generation.”  If you haven’t heard about it, it’s when you find yourself caring for your children and your elderly parents at the same time.  This is indeed a strange and different season of life.  You find yourself consumed with concern over aspects of your children’s life and your parent’s life at the same time.  This can cause you to neglect your own life.  It’s important that you take some time to look after your own welfare.  Like “sharpening the saw,” this is absolutely necessary to continue addressing areas you can help in both generations’ lives.

One observation I find rather endearing and troubling at the same time is how childlike the elderly become.  It’s troubling because you don’t like seeing the decline in your parent.  My Dad has always been a rock.  To see his decline is heartbreaking.  It’s endearing because it can be like seeing the world through the eyes of a child at times.  Working with Dad to learn how his iPhone worked is fun.  He coupled the learning with stories of his life that validated how far our civilization has come in terms of technology.

This past year (2020) has been a particularly hard time for everyone.  The isolation and sickness that has come with the COVID-19 pandemic has hit the elderly hardest.  My Dad is a social butterfly.  He enjoys visiting with people, and can find a connection with anyone.  For the majority of 2020, he’s been robbed of this interaction.  Spending three weeks with my family has helped address his need for personal connection and interaction.  It was great, humbling, and encouraging to see how much he improved in mental acuity over the three weeks.

Some would say that being in the “sandwich generation” is tough and unfair.  I look back on Dad’s life, and am humbled by how much he sacrificed for his family.  My Mom passed away four years ago after a very long bout with Parkinson’s.  My Dad was the primary caretaker for Mom.  They both refused to consider home healthcare or hospitalization (until the very end, when it was inevitable).  Watching my Dad’s selfless caring over his wife and life companion really touched me.  I’m a man of faith (as is my Dad), and viewed my Dad as the consummate role model of the Christian husband.  I saw how Mom’s care took its toll on Dad, but never witnessed discouragement in him.  He truly loved Mom as Christ loved the church, and willingly gave of himself to look after her.  When I think about that, it’s easier to give Dad the patience, respect, and love he needs and deserves as my earthly father.

Another positive of the time with Dad was the effects of unplugging from daily issues and enjoying family time.  We (the entire family) had a wonderful week in Tennessee, and I had a priceless experience with the “windshield time” with Dad.  I believe I need to write a separate post on the positive effects of unplugging. I hope you have enjoyed my short story.  Please leave your comments, as I enjoy the feedback.  Also, please enjoy your time with your family.  If you have elderly parents (or soon will), make time to spend with them.  You’ll cherish it!

The past few years, there’s been a lot of talk and writing (books, articles, blogs) about the topic of balancing work and life.  What exactly is “work/life balance” and can you actually balance competing demands of a career with your personal life?  I’d like to add my opinion to the mix, starting with a story.

Many years ago, I had the privilege of working for the highest-ranking female in Chevron.  This person was one of the most driven individuals I’ve worked around.  Her work ethic was intense and amazing.  She reached incredibly high in Chevron, and then left to take a CEO position outside of Chevron.

I heard a story about this person after I no longer worked for her.  She was at a townhall in a location that housed one of Chevron’s customer service call centers.  This location employed a large number of females.  Many of them were working mothers (as well as working single mothers).  During this townhall, one of the working mothers asked this executive how you balance work and home life.  The response was along the lines of “You don’t.  You make choices.  I made my choices and you’ll have to make your own.”  The response was not inspiring, and was tough for some to take.

If I answered that question, I would have answered it much differently.  Of course, as a male, I don’t have the perspective of a working mother.  (Side note – in my humble opinion, working mother is the most impressive role on the planet.  I couldn’t handle the pressures working mothers are under, and am continually super impressed with them!)

I believe you can balance a career with your family life.  I think my opinion stems from one of my core beliefs – that I work to provide for my family, not simply to achieve a certain position or level.  So, the start to balance resides in your core belief.  Why do you work?  Is it to achieve at all costs, or is it to provide for a certain lifestyle?  Are you comfortable with that choice?  I was quite comfortable with that choice.  Now that I’m retired, I’m thankful that my core belief was centered around the concept of family-first.  My retirement time is filled with family time.  I have satisfaction when I look back at my career.  Do I have regrets?  Of course, but I set them aside whenever they come up.  (Okay, I admit that sometimes, the amount of time that I wallow in my regret is much longer than I should.  I eventually come to peace with the situation.)

In all situations, when you have competing forces (like “work” and “life”), priorities matter.  As a leader, I believe that transparency is important.  I’ve told all my various teams that I come to work to fund my life.  Work is not my life – my family and faith are.

Since my role at work was to fund my life, I had a simple way to address this.  As mentioned, I was very open about my priorities with my employees.  If I got a call from my wife or one of my daughters, I’d try to stop whatever I was doing and take the call.  I had an agreement with my wife and daughters.  If I was in a meeting or couldn’t take their call, it would go to voicemail.  If the issue wasn’t critical, they were to leave a voicemail and I’d call when I could.  If the issue was critical, I told them to call the second time.  If I got a second call, I’d take the call.  My employees knew of this call and honored it.

Later in my career, if I was traveling internationally, my wife and daughters knew the time difference before I left.  I always called home daily, to check in.  As my daughters grew older, I also told them a little about what I was doing.  I remember one time I was in intense negotiations at an international location when one of my daughters called me on my cell phone.  I knew something was up because it was too early back home.  I excused myself from the negotiation session and took the call.  It was the right thing to do – a beloved pet had passed away and my daughter was letting me know.  I was glad I took the call and was able to sympathize and empathize with my daughter.

Let me know what you think.  Do you struggle with balancing your work and personal life?  How have you coped?

According to dictionary.com, the definition of indispensable is:

1. Adjective
   1. Absolutely necessary, essential, or requisite
   1. Incapable of being disregarded or neglected
2. Noun
   1. A person or thing that is indispensable.

I have heard it said that the secret to success is to make yourself indispensable at your job, career, or vocation.  As a teenager, I accepted that.  In my first full-time job, I got some sage advice from my first boss.  He told me his “Five-Gallon Bucket Rule.”  He said that if you ever think you are indispensable at work, fill a five-gallon bucket with water.  Look at the water in the bucket, then stick your hand in the water, and notice the difference when you pull your hand out.  You might leave a ripple or two, but the water will return later.  His key takeaway is that we are all replaceable.

I referred to that rule many times in my 40+ years of full-time employment.  As it relates to leadership, should the leader think of themself as indispensable?  No, the same rule applies.  I believe (using The Five-Gallon Bucket Rule) that the legacy the leader brings to the organization can be viewed as the ripples left in the bucket.  The stronger the legacy, the stronger the ripples.  But eventually, the water settles down and the calm in the bucket returns.

I guess the narcissistic leader would want the organization to fall apart after he/she leaves.  That’s not the style of leadership I espouse.  I’m comfortable in the legacy I left at Chevron.  Could I have done more or better?  Of course.  Did the organization return to stability after I left?  Of course.  I’m absolutely certain that happened right after I walked out of the office the last time.  The question I ask of myself, and I encourage you to ask of your leadership, is “Did I have a positive impact on others?”

In the last year after my retirement, a number of former colleagues have reached out to me for advice.  I am truly humbled and honored by that.  That tells me that my impact on them was positive.  Are they dependent on me?  Absolutely not.  I don’t want them to be.  My desire is to build leaders who would achieve much more than I did.

How about you?  Are you trying to be indispensable in your current leadership role?  If so, I challenge you to find and develop your replacement.  Also, ask yourself continuously how you could eliminate your job.  Instead of becoming indispensable, work yourself out of a job.  I was successful in my own job four different times at Chevron.  Leave on your own terms, and leave a positive legacy in doing so.

I’d love to know what you think of this.  Have you known people who strive to make themselves indispensable?  If so, how did that work out for them?  Have you known leaders who were content to develop their replacement?  How did that work?