(2023-6)

It’s been a year since my father passed away.  Late May brought about a seminal event in progressing through the grief of his death, the sale of his former home of almost 30 years, which occurred on May 31.  As I walked through the house for the last time, I couldn’t help but remember the Kansas song “Dust in the Wind” which is one of my favorites.  (Check out the lyrics at https://www.lyrics.com/lyric-lf/295741/Kansas/Dust+In+the+Wind – the music is haunting).

I did a complete walk-through of the house to ensure it was cleaned out and prepared for closing.  In less than 24 hours, the home that held memories was only a house.  By this stage, there were no reminders of my parents left.  I was stricken by the thought that we should cherish the memories we have of loved ones lost.  It’s not about the house, it’s about the memories.  There is now a new owner of that house, but there are still memories I will not forget.

Dad passed away on July 20, 2022.  We started going through his house on Labor Day weekend as family members were in town for his funeral.  We spent Labor Day weekend until May 30, 2023, going through the house dealing with the household items my parents had amassed in 92 years (almost 30 of them in the same house).  Sorting through this estate was a lengthy process.  When it was all over, there was an impressive set of statistics related to the belongings my parents left behind:

• We took ten loads of items to the local Salvation Army.  I think we stocked their showroom for a few years!
• We got a local junk removal person to pick up several times as the local community didn’t allow us to take it directly to the dump.  We called on this person on three separate occasions.
• Before the loads to Salvation Army, we dispersed belongings to at least nine households within the family.

When I showed up to finish the cleaning and prepare for the closing, I also picked up a few items that I had left for staging.  In addition, I left Dad’s tools locked in the shed.  When I got there, the shed was unlocked and some of the tools were missing.  In addition to being angry, I also couldn’t understand how this happened.  The shed was no longer locked.  I jumped to conclusions as to what could have happened.  This lasted less than an hour.  Once I calmed down, it dawned on me – it was just stuff.  I still have a good many of Dad’s tools, which give me joy whenever I use them.  I can replace the stolen tools.

I did a little research on grief while preparing this post.  I found the final walkthrough both therapeutic and sad.  In the end, the closure brought a contentment that I couldn’t explain.  I reviewed the Kubler-Ross model of the Five Stages of Grief (check out https://www.psycom.net/stages-of-grief for a simple explanation of this model).  Over the past year, I have progressed through these five stages.  Getting the last look at Dad’s house helped me accept his death.

After checking out the lyrics to “Dust in The Wind” I felt like that song didn’t fully express the wide range of emotions I’ve felt.  When I think of my dad, I remember the song “Daddy’s Hands” sung by Holly Dunn.  It’s a special song to me because my wife sang it at my grandfather’s funeral.  I reread the lyrics recently and see that they are applicable to my father as well.  I will always cherish our relationship.

Throughout the process of sorting through possessions and preparing to sell Dad’s house, I’ve learned a few lessons:

• It’s just stuff.  While some physical objects do provoke emotions, it’s memories that are important, not the objects.  I needed to let go of the stuff (this helped me quickly get over the theft of a few tools) and retain the memories.  I plan to do that.
• Integrate key possessions to strengthen memories.  I have a few items from both of my parents that cause me to think of them.  I use Dad’s Cross pen daily.  I have hung some of my parents’ artwork in my house.  I also carry a money clip from my maternal grandfather.  These things remind me of the impact my parents and grandparents have had on my life.
• Mom and Dad’s legacy has been dispersed to family and others.  Family members will think of my parents when they see the belongings they have integrated into their respective households.
• Don’t jump to conclusions.  I need to do a better job of reacting.  I saw that clearly after I reacted upon discovering the theft of tools.

I’ve come to realize that Dad’s empty house doesn’t matter nearly as much as the memories.  I plan to recall as many memories as possible and keep the memories alive.

Have you had similar experiences?  I’d love to hear about your experience and how you dealt with it.

(2023-5)

In the past couple of years, I have reinforced some of my thinking and beliefs about leadership by watching bad leaders in action.  Can one learn from poor examples as effectively as from good examples?  In other words, is learning what not to do as helpful as learning what to do?  I believe it is.

There are many examples of leaders who are out of touch and arrogant in their behavior.  This seems to be a trend that isn’t limited to business, it also affects civic leaders.  I’ve seen many examples of this lately.  My go-to person for bad leadership happens to be the current mayor of New Orleans, Latoya Cantrell.

Latoya Cantrell became mayor of New Orleans on May 7, 2018.  She is the first woman to hold this office in the 300-year history of New Orleans.  She became mayor after serving as a member of the New Orleans City Council from 2012-2018.  This length of service would normally be commendable.  If you do an internet search on Latoya Cantrell, you will find more articles concerning scandals than positive accomplishments.

Now that she’s in her second term as mayor, there have been numerous scandals and examples of bad leadership.  Even setting aside the politics of the scandals, the results speak clearly on their own.  Some of the outcomes from the Cantrell administration include:

• Crime has increased.  When you look at the period Latoya Cantrell has been involved in New Orleans city politics directly (from her time on the City Council through her time as mayor), crime has been on a steady rise (see https://www.city-data.com/crime/crime-New-Orleans-Louisiana.html for data up through 2020).  New Orleans became America’s murder capital in September 2022 when it recorded 52 homicides per 100,000 residents.
• Infrastructure issues are not being addressed.  If you do an internet search on ‘New Orleans Potholes’, you’ll find many stories documenting the deplorable state of the streets in New Orleans.  One story (check it out at https://www.fox8live.com/2022/03/10/pothole-repairs-take-over-200-days-complete-new-orleans-average-officials-report/ for the story) reports that it takes the city over six months to address potholes.  There’s even a page on the city’s website about potholes (https://nola.gov/next/public-works/topics/potholes/).  It’s ironic that the statistics for filling potholes stopped in 2016!
• Scandals and corruption involve the mayor frequently.  Since she’s been elected, there have been numerous scandals involving Cantrell.  They include:
  • Charging almost $30,000 in unlawful upgrades (flights and hotels)
  • Paying her “image consultant” $231,000 out of city funds
  • Living in a luxury apartment owned by the city without paying rent
  • Spending an inordinate amount of time with a member of her security detail (an affair was alleged in the divorce filing by the spouse of the security officer)

Because of these results, Cantrell faced a recall earlier this year.  The recall vote was unsuccessful, so Cantrell will serve out the rest of her term.

So, what can leaders learn from this example?  I have done a bit of reflecting on Cantrell’s leadership, and have come up with a few lessons:

1. Results speak for themselves.  It doesn’t matter what the leader says if their efforts don’t yield positive results.  Latoya Cantrell does defend the city, but with the data strongly against her, she comes across as disconnected from reality.  A leader needs to speak the truth and take responsibility for their results.
2. Don’t let your position go to your head.  Being a leader can bring temptations.  These temptations, when acted upon generate a sense of entitlement.  Latoya Cantrell justified her upgrades, “image consultant”, and luxury rent-free apartment based on her position.  In my opinion a humble leader is more effective and gathers willing followers.
3. Leaders serve their constituents, not the other way around.  This is a follow-on to letting your position go to your head.  A leader’s team will make or break the leader.  A servant leader gets good results because of their team.
4. As a leader, recognize you will be watched (even when you don’t expect it).  Public leaders have much less privacy than the average citizen.  All leaders must be aware that they will be watched with more scrutiny than the average person.
5. Don’t take offense or retribution for criticism.  Leaders will always be magnets for criticism.  As a leader, I tried to embrace criticism to evaluate my actions.  I acknowledge that the struggle is real.  I want to defend my actions.  In retrospect, there is usually a nugget of truth, a learning moment, or a validation to my strategy in all criticism.  A leader who responds in an even-handed manner will show not only poise but will show that they will listen to feedback.
6. There is a right way (and a wrong way) to behave in public.  During this past Mardi Gras, Latoya was photographed obscenely gesturing to a float rider.  This picture went viral and reflected very poorly on her.  A good leader wouldn’t respond in that manner or would take full responsibility for an inappropriate response.

As I researched Latoya Cantrell for this post, I found that I could quickly point out lessons I could apply to my leadership.  These lessons didn’t change my opinion of her leadership.  Instead, they reinforced my personal leadership style and beliefs.

How about you – do you think you can learn from other peoples’ mistakes or wrong (at least in your view) approaches?  Do you learn from poor examples as well as good examples?

Do you surround yourself with people who are willing to tell you hard truth about your own behavior?  I’ve also found that while hard truth sometimes hurts, I’m a better person for listening and accepting it in a non-defensive manner.

I’d be interested in your thoughts.  Do you learn more from positive examples or negative examples?  Do you have someone who will “tell it to you straight” when you make mistakes?

(2023-4)

I know what you’re thinking – this is a joke right?  Can Mike really be serious?  How can you possibly get leadership lessons from Mardi Gras? 

I love Mardi Gras in New Orleans.  If you’ve never been, what comes to mind when the term is used?  Is your idea centered on the wildness on Bourbon Street, which has been the topic of many shows and films?  For me, those films and stories don’t reflect what Mardi Gras means.

Mardi Gras this year was February 21.  It’s been over four months since the last Mardi Gras parade rolled in New Orleans.  The two weeks prior to February 21 were quite hectic.  Ten out of those fourteen days had at least one parade.

For me and my family, this two-week period is a time for gatherings.  Our place is quite close to the parade route in a part of the city that is tame compared to the French Quarter or Bourbon Street.  It is a natural place to gather and watch the parades.

If you have never been to a Mardi Gras parade, it’s not like any other.  There are similarities – bands, marching groups, and floats.  But these aren’t just any floats.  They are quite large and incredibly decorated.  Each float holds numerous riders.  They don’t just wave to the spectators, they throw trinkets.  The music is very different also.  There is music from the bands (much better than your typical halftime marching band music), the marching groups (there’s nothing like a Mardi Gras dance group), and sometimes from the floats themselves.  This makes a Mardi Gras parade much more interactive than typical holiday parades in the U.S.

My wife and I open our home and host family and friends for ten days, serving food for all who come.  Our family gathers at our house before the parades start.  We have food, drinks, and a lot of conversation.  This time is an extended family reunion for me, except everyone goes home to sleep in their own beds, gathering again for the next day of parades.

For the most part, my wife and I prepare food for folks who attend.  The last couple of years, others have offered to bring entire meals or food to supplement.  This has been quite helpful, as the preparation of so many meals is a big task.  My wife and I start planning the schedule and menus early in January.  We spend a lot of time reviewing what has worked and what hasn’t in the past years, which allows us to continually improve and freshen our menus.

Spending time with relatives helps to get to know extended family members well.  In a relaxed setting, people are more open.  This allows you to get to know them better and understand more about them. 

You might wonder what leadership lessons I’ve learned from Mardi Gras.  They are important ones:

1. Take time off for what’s truly important.  We started hosting at our house in 2016.  Before I retired, I usually took the two-week period off as vacation.  I learned the most important leadership lesson while I was working – a leader needs to make time for what matters most to them.  After my faith, family matters most for me.  I get recharged being around family.
2. There is a lot of value in teamwork and planning.  For the past seven years, my wife and I have spent a lot of time planning and preparing meals to entertain.  We’ve had a lot of stress and poor communication also (but we’re still married!).  I’ve learned the value of spending time with your team planning for an event or project.  We’ve been able to improve our communication and teamwork through the planning process.
3. Make sure you allow flexibility in your plan.  Once we’ve put together an entertainment plan for Mardi Gras, I tend to view it as locked in stone.  I’m learning that entertaining family is about having fun and enjoying each other.  It’s not about the plan.  Keep the goal in mind and realize that plans need to change sometimes.
4. Get to know your team members individually.  As a leader, knowing your team members allows you to serve and support them better.  Spend time with them in a casual setting.  Find out their goals, dreams, and interests.  You’ll be a better leader.  As my favorite author John C. Maxwell says – “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”
5. Don’t take yourself too seriously.  I can’t tell you how many stories come from our family gatherings at Mardi Gras.  I made sure to share most of these with my teammates.  I wanted them to know that while I take my work seriously, I don’t take myself seriously.  (Of course, my family would strongly disagree with that last sentence.)

I really enjoy Mardi Gras in New Orleans.  It’s a great time.  Spending time with family and friends makes it a wonderful season every year.  It allows me to disconnect from other stresses in my life.  Do you take time off for what’s important to you?  What is your favorite get-away?

What’s your biggest logistical challenge?  For me, it’s that two-week window where we’re hosting and entertaining.  I have found that a flexible plan and a great team yields success.  How do you address challenges like that?

Do you take yourself too seriously?  I know I have that tendency, especially at home or around my family.  I’m working on that.  Break out and try something different. Can you find leadership lessons in extraordinary situations or circumstances?  I’d like to hear your thoughts about the lessons I have learned from Mardi Gras.

(2023-3)

Now that I’m retired, I still find links to my career.  Sometimes this happens at an odd moment.  A recent event occurred around Game Six of the 2022 World Series.  My daughter sent the family a text that said that Jim McIngvale, a.k.a. “Mattress Mack” from Houston, would be throwing out the first ball of Game Six.  Mattress Mack is an icon of Houston.  He gained fame from his corny commercials about his furniture store (“Gallery Furniture SAVES YOU MONEY!”).  Early on, he dressed up for some commercials in a mattress costume (hence “Mattress Mack”).  When I got this text, I remembered many Mattress Mack stories, but most dear to me was a conversation I had with him in his store in the early ‘90s.  This got me thinking about Total Quality Management (TQM) which took American business and management by storm in the late ‘80s and ‘90s in the USA.

This text made me wonder what ever became of the TQM movement.  Some things don’t necessarily go away.  This is true for the systems and philosophies that yield results.  After the Astros won the World Series, I couldn’t stop thinking about Mattress Mack, TQM, and W. Edwards Deming.

Who was W. Edwards Deming?  He was the reason I met Jim McIngvale and held a conversation with him in his store with my family.

I became a student of TQM and QI (Quality Improvement) in the early ‘90s.  There were two big TQM “gurus” at the time – W. Edwards Deming and Philip Crosby.  Chevron was adopting TQM and gave their business units latitude to select the philosophy to follow.  My group picked the Deming philosophy.  I trained in this philosophy and even attended a four-day session with Dr. Deming in February of 1993.

My family lived in Houston between 1990-1994, so I was familiar with McIngvale’s Gallery Furniture.  One evening my wife and I took our two daughters to Gallery Furniture to shop.  Walking around the store, I noticed quite a few Deming quotes.  Mack was in the store, so I approached him to talk Deming and TQM.  He was all-in for Deming’s philosophy and was transforming his management style as a result.

Gallery Furniture experienced rapid growth in the ‘90s.  (For more information on Mack’s business sense, see https://www.businessinsider.com/mattress-mack-jim-mcingvale-net-worth-career-furniture-promotions-sports-bets?op=1#gallery-furnitures-sales-soared-during-its-first-year-of-business-as-americans-moved-to-houston-to-work-in-the-citys-booming-auto-oil-and-steel-industries-and-needed-to-purchase-furniture-for-their-new-homes-6 for a good recap.)  Mack has attributed the growth to his adoption of Deming’s philosophy.

[As a quick aside, I used my experience with Deming to contradict one of my MBA professors in 1999.  This professor, who shall remain unnamed, was talking about TQM and how he was good friends with Deming.  I blurted out in class “Deming’s dead!”  I told him that his “friend” had been dead for six years.  Not one of my finer moments!]

Jim McIngvale not only threw out the first ball of Game Six, but he also made news winning a record $75 million by betting $10 million on the Houston Astros to win the World Series.  He made this bet to hedge his promotion on sales of mattress sleep sets ( see https://www.cbssports.com/mlb/news/world-series-2022-jim-mattress-mack-mcingvale-wins-record-75m-betting-payout-as-astros-capture-title/ for the details).

While it was fun seeing the Astros win the World Series and remembering my Mattress Mack stories, I also got a chance to revisit my history with TQM after many years.  I still believe TQM works, especially if it is consistently applied.  Jim McIngvale used it to make a step-change in his business and has reaped the rewards.  He didn’t brag on his success, he just continued to serve his customers using TQM.  He is an excellent example of living a philosophy that works.

Living the TQM philosophy consistently and constantly is much better than “tooting your horn.”  Jim McIngvale didn’t apply for the Malcolm Baldridge National Quality Award (MBNQA).  The MBNQA was an attempt by the U.S. government to showcase companies who applied TQM.  Unfortunately, this award was more detrimental to the winners in the long run.  This isn’t only my opinion.  See the editorial “Time to kill the Malcolm Baldridge Award” from Design World magazine to find out what the Executive Editor of Design World had to say in early 2021 (see https://www.designworldonline.com/time-to-kill-the-malcolm-baldrige-award/ for the digital version).

It strikes me that almost every management fad ultimately fizzled.  Constancy of purpose and methods wins the day, if a spirit of continuous improvement is included.  What I learned from TQM substantially influenced my management style.

Did you experience TQM?  What was your experience with it?  Do you believe it was a management fad that disappeared? If you have a positive experience and integrated TQM philosophy into your leadership style, I’d love to connect with you and share stories.

(2023-2)

Last year I wrote a post entitled “No More New Year’s Resolutions!” (See https://mrhensonllc.com/no-more-new-years-resolutions/ for the full post).  As part of my 2022 goal review, I reread that post.  I thought to revisit it and share how I did without any New Year’s resolutions in 2022.

In mid-December I sat down and evaluated what happened in 2022.  I followed the standard four-step process of an “after action review.”  The four steps include:

1. What did I want to happen?
2. Acknowledge what really happened
3. What did I learn from the experience?
4. Adjust my behavior

I will follow these four steps in reporting what happened in 2022.

What did I want to happen?

The core of my plan at the start of 2022 was to achieve all my annual goals.  At the end of 2021, I developed ten key goals to drive my action in 2022.  I set achievable, actionable goals.  I set goals in all my key life areas.  I also set a mix of achievement vs. habit goals.

I also followed the lessons I learned from reading Michael Hyatt’s “Your Best Year Ever” book.  This was the book I read before developing my initial goals.

I was motivated and inspired to start the year – yet I didn’t achieve my ten goals.  When I looked back on the year, I knew it wasn’t my best year ever.  In fact, it was one of my worst for goal achievement.

Acknowledge what really happened.

I fully completed five of the ten goals I laid out for the year.  In looking back, it dawned on me that two life events took me “out of the game” for over three months of the year.  I’ve written about both events.  My three-week rafting trip down the Grand Canyon sidetracked me for five to six weeks (planning, preparing, rafting, and recovery).  My Dad’s health issues and resultant death put my plan on hold for quite some time.  I’m still trying to fully resolve Dad’s estate.

I didn’t plan for the unexpected (does anyone really?).  I have learned to give myself a little grace when setting goals.  I review my goals regularly and with the planner I use I re-write them quarterly.  I’ve decided to be more flexible this year.

I also set overly ambitious goals in 2022.  Setting ambitious goals is fine, but I learned I shouldn’t have set so many ambitious goals.

What did I learn from the experience?

I could tell heading into the fourth quarter of 2022 that it was going to be one of my worst years recently (as far as goal achievement).  I decided to begin my year-end review much earlier in 2022, starting the week after Thanksgiving.  I also started setting up my first quarter 2023 planner much earlier.  I decided to review earlier and look forward earlier.  I like how this is working so far.  I find I’m not beating myself up over missed goals like I have in the past.  Giving yourself grace is healthy.

I shared my 2022 goals only with my wife, which was one thing I learned earlier in the year.  This worked well.  I should probably expand the number of people a bit but plan to be judicious about who they are.

I also started setting my 2023 goals much earlier this year.  I completed my first draft on December 5, 2022.  I finalized this version on January 9, 2023.

I didn’t have any resolutions in 2022 and don’t plan to have any in 2023.  I will stick with my goal setting process with the tweaks I’ve instituted since my 2022 review.

Adjust my behavior.

A lot of my behavior adjustments were stated in the previous section.  To me, the biggest behavior changes have included:

• Earlier after-action review
• Earlier goal setting
• Scheduling routine goal reviews (I started a weekly review of goals in November of 2022.  I plan to continue that weekly review through 2023)

How did you do in 2022?  If you set resolutions, how did that turn out for you?  Have you decided to do anything differently in 2023?  Can I add value to your process?  Let me know, I’d like to help.

(2023-1)

As I mentioned in one of my earlier posts, I took a 21-day rafting trip down the Colorado River in the Grand Canyon last year.  This trip was truly a life-changing event and a special experience.  There are roughly only 22,000 people a year who raft down the Grand Canyon.

This trip was quite a step out of my comfort zone.  I had not camped out in decades.  My idea of roughing it is no TV!  I had three weeks to plan for this trip.  I was a last-minute addition to a trip a high school friend was arranging.  That preparation was well worth the experience on the water!  I learned a lot and observed a few important lessons in leadership and life.

Our noncommercial trip was made up of 16 people using six rafts.  The team leader was Tony, my friend since tenth grade in high school and a college roommate.  Out of the 16 people, I knew only Tony.  There were a handful of people in this group who had not rafted down the Grand Canyon, but I was the only one who had never been whitewater rafting!

I got sick on the second day, which caused Tony some concern.  Once you put into the river at Lees Ferry (outside Marble Canyon, AZ), the only way out is via a helicopter rescue.  My appearance troubled Tony and my boatmate Sarah so much that Tony seriously considered calling the Park Service to get me airlifted out of the park.  Tony and Sarah are both volunteer EMTs.  Additionally, there was another volunteer EMT and a paramedic.  On the second night, those four discussed my status.  The paramedic suggested we wait one more night before calling it in.  Fortunately for me, I woke up feeling myself again!  Turns out I had altitude sickness.  I am glad I wasn’t sent home.

The 21 days were remarkable.  The views of the Grand Canyon were amazing.  I would go to sleep at night thinking it can’t get any better than this.  It consistently got better for 21 days straight!  The skies were clear, which made the stars an incredible sight.

As a student of leadership, I watch for leadership lessons and can find them almost anywhere.  There were two key leadership lessons I observed on my trip:

1. Surround yourself with the right kind of people.  Tony was the trip leader on the permit.  As such, he was considered the “Responsible Party” by the National Park Service.  This was the third time Tony had rafted down the Grand Canyon (the previous two he was not the trip leader).  Tony was deliberate in selecting people to go on the trip (with one notable exception – me!).  He asked a friend of his (Bob) to go who had been down the Grand Canyon 8 or 9 times.  Tony designated Bob’s boat as the lead boat.  Additionally, he brought along the EMTs and paramedic I mentioned.  One of the EMTs (Katie) was going to become a full-time river guide after this trip.  Tony designated Katie as the safety leader.  Katie’s initial safety orientation was on point.  With the high caliber and experience of these key people, our trip was a success.  I find that leadership in any position is best served by taking this action.  Select people who know more than you do in order to compensate for your blind spots.  I learned this early on in my career and it served me well.  I’m glad Tony was secure enough in his position to follow those on the trip who were more knowledgeable than him.
2. Act promptly on issues as you see them arise.  For the most part, this 21-day trip was free of pettiness and bickering.  In any situation where you have 16 people this close together for so long, personalities are bound to clash.  Early in the trip, a minor conflict surfaced.  The affected parties never talked about the controversy, but there were many conversations around the campfire and on the boats.  The issue wasn’t addressed directly, and eventually broke the surface in a very visible, vocal way.  I learned once again that I should address the “elephant in the room” as soon as it’s noticed.  I was guilty of not bringing this up on the trip.  I’m trying to address issues more quickly.  It’s a work-in-progress for me.

In addition to leadership lessons, I also witnessed two life lessons:

1. True friends are a gem!  I have known Tony since I was 16.  In addition to being a friend in high school, Tony and I were roommates for a semester in college.  We shared a three-bedroom with another person we met the previous year.  The three of us guys were a good match.  At the end of the semester, I told the landlord that we were moving, and gave them the appropriate written notice.  I was the one who signed the lease.  A few months after leaving, I was served with a notice of a civil suit by the landlord.  Tony split the legal costs with me and met in person with our attorney.  Tony stayed with me through the end of this ordeal (we got the suit thrown out).  Over 45 years later, our friendship was strong enough to weather a 21-day rafting adventure.
2. There is a special bonding through shared experiences.  While I knew only Tony going into this trip, by the end I feel I have 14 new friends.  You do indeed bond through shared experiences.  I feel this bonding can be stronger if the experience is dangerous.  While a 21-day whitewater rafting trip may sound like a great time away from it all (and it is), there were quite a few close calls.

I continue to reflect on this trip.  It was truly life-changing.  I learned my physical limitations and vowed personally to do better about staying in shape.  Despite eating three big meals per day for 21 days (more than I am used to eating), I lost four pounds.  It was a strenuous time.

I am so glad I took this trip.  I would willingly do it again if given the opportunity.  How about you?  If you were given this type of opportunity (one that takes you way out of your comfort zone), would you take it?  What would you fear about doing something like this?

As a leader, is there something you need to do in order to step out of your comfort zone and stay relevant?

I’d love to hear your comments.  Let me know if you’d like to discuss personally.

(2022-15)

One thing I say often is “work is a four-letter word.”  While this is corny, it reflects my view about holding a job.  My career of over 40 years was mostly a means to an end – I went to work to provide for my family.  I enjoyed some of my jobs at Chevron more than others.  I tried to have fun at all of them though.  I believe that having fun at a place where I spend more than 40 hours per week is a necessity.  I also believe that when I am enjoying my work and the people I work with, I get better results.

How about you – do go to work solely to get a paycheck?  Is this the right approach?  Early this summer, I witnessed a few people who caused me to rethink my view of work.

During Dad’s health crisis (see my previous posts “Life Happens” and “Bittersweet Transitions”) I got to see quite a few healthcare professionals in action as they cared for my father.  The ones who stood out were the ones who treated him with dignity and respect.  They exhibited an inspired approach to their job, which manifested as sincere care for Dad.

One of the prime examples was Melissa, Dad’s hospice nurse at his assisted living facility.  Melissa was a relatively young nurse who showed a high degree of compassion, patience, and devotion.  One day, I asked her how long she had been a hospice nurse.  She then told me her story of going to nursing school to help people.  Her first role was ER nurse, which she did for a couple of years.  She got burned out and really did not like that job.  She switched to hospice nursing and told me she knew she had found her calling.  She seemed truly happy in her job and it showed in the way she treated Dad and his family members.  I quickly came to truly appreciate any healthcare professional who purposely chooses hospice care as their specialty.

I also got to see in action how leadership sets the tone in Dad’s assisted living facility.  The family (including Dad) selected Sunrise Senior Living in Frisco, Texas and are still convinced this was the absolute best place for Dad.  Tisha, their Executive Director, and I had a few conversations about the facility and the quality of the staff.  I asked her how she got such high-quality people.  She said she purposefully selected compassionate people to work there.  It showed!  Tisha set the tone for the entire organization.  There was not a person who did not live up to the facility’s mission – “To champion quality of life for all seniors.” 

Sunrise Frisco was a refreshing change from the small-town hospital where Dad was originally treated.  The staff there was in it only for a paycheck (except for one person – Dad’s physical therapist, who is a very compassionate person).  The difference between the two organizations was striking.

Another thing I noticed during this time is that compassionate leaders support their people in times of personal stress and difficulties.  My very first boss was amazing in this regard.  Very early in my Chevron career, my sister-in-law died in a car wreck.  My boss knew I was really close to her and told me I could take whatever time I needed to deal with things.  This was a tremendous relief to me and made me very devoted to this boss.

In contrast to this, one of my family members was treated poorly by their boss during Dad’s illness and death.  Their boss basically hounded them mercilessly, did not read emails that shared status, and was extremely self-centered.  It demoralized my family member.

How about you?  Are you in a job just for the paycheck, or are you pursuing your calling?  It is now my opinion that you should determine your passion and find a job that allows you to follow it.  Your passion will become a calling.  Mine is for coaching and developing people.  I got great positive reinforcement watching them grow based on my coaching.  It truly became a calling for me.

As a leader, what tone are you setting?  If you don’t know, ask your team members.  They will tell you.  If you are not setting the tone you want, take steps to change it.  This will take time, but the first step is recognizing where change needs to occur.

How do you treat your employees?  Do your employees work only for the paycheck, or are you helping them find their calling?  How do you support them when they are going through rough times?  Remember that your approach during difficult times can attract or repel good people.  Choose to attract! I would like to hear your comments, struggles, and experience.  Let me know if you would like to discuss this further and I will schedule a call or meeting.

(2022-14)

Dictionary.com defines the term bittersweet as “both pleasant and painful or regretful.”  I’ve gone through many transitions in my life and career, most of which match this definition.  Are all transitions bittersweet?  When you look back at a significant change in your life or career, can you see both good and bad things about it?  Earlier this summer, I worked through a transition with Dad and my family.  While the end turned out well, there were several low points along the way.

If you have read many of my posts, you will know I had a great relationship with Dad.  He went through a tough health episode in late May that started him (and the rest of his family) on a significant transition.

I have a wonderful niece (Kathryn) who for at least nine months was spending each Saturday with Dad.  She helped him with meals and organized his life for him.  Their close relationship developed even stronger bonds as a result.  One weekend in June, Dad exhibited symptoms of a stroke.  Two separate episodes prompted Kathryn to take Dad to the local ER that Sunday.

Dad was subjected to a large battery of tests.  The following Thursday I drove from New Orleans to north Texas.  The next couple of days were intense – life for Dad in the hospital was not good.  However, I did have some good visiting time with Dad, my niece, and my two sisters.

According to the attending physicians, there was no indication of long-term damage that would indicate a stroke.  Dad’s primary care physician gave us the diagnosis that Dad had suffered a couple of TIAs (Transient Ischemic Attack, also called a “mini-stroke”).

The family agreed the time had come that Dad could no longer live alone.  Dad had lived alone for the past six years after Mom died.  He had expressed to all of us his desire to stay in his house by himself, so we expected him to resist any change.  One week after the TIAs, we (my sisters, my niece, and I) started a selection process to find an assisted living place that was closer to family.  Hesitantly, we shared thoughts and suggestions with Dad.

The response was unexpected.  Instead of disagreeing or pushing back, Dad confessed his thoughts about making a significant change for some time.  Everyone was not only relieved, but we were excited for the change to occur.

Ten days after the ER visit and admission into the small-town hospital, Dad was discharged.  A rehabilitation hospital was found that was close to the selected assisted living facility, and was much closer to family.  Unfortunately, we had a two-day gap between discharge at the local hospital and admission into the rehabilitation hospital.  Despite this gap, Dad remained upbeat and positive about leaving his home of almost 30 years.  He repeatedly said it was time for a change.

Dad was ready for the change, even waking my oldest sister up VERY early in the morning of his admission to the rehabilitation hospital!  We had enough time to take Dad to see his new “apartment” at the assisted living facility.  He seemed to enjoy the visit, and made numerous positive comments.

The rehabilitation hospital was quite a step up from the small-town hospital.  Dad’s rehab regimen was intense – three hours of therapy per day!  After seven days of this, Dad was discharged to his new apartment.  Once there, Dad adapted quite well.  Quickly, he won the hearts and minds of many of the staff and other residents.  In 2-3 visits to the group bingo party, he won $225 in “bingo bucks.”

Unfortunately, Dad did not enjoy his new residence for very long.  He fell which brought more complications and ultimately, he passed away after a few weeks.

As I have stated in many of my previous posts, I learned a lot from Dad.  This transition from living alone to moving into an assisted living facility showed me that at 92 years old, he was still ready and willing to make a change.  I feel convicted by this and have committed to continually evaluate my life and embrace the need for change in order to improve.

I also learned from Dad to listen to trusted family and friends.  Sometimes, we are blinded by our own perceptions.  It is important to have accountability with others.  It’s also important to build a culture of openness, so those close to you can share their concerns.

How about you?  Do you know what blind spots you have that may inhibit you from progressing?  Do you have a circle of friends and family that will share those “hard truths” with you?  In other words, how do you ensure you are on the right path?

Let me know what you think.  If you would like to discuss, let me know and we’ll get together.  I like to add value to others.

(2022-13)

When I posted my last post (see https://mrhensonllc.com/life-happens-2022-12/), I talked about Dad passing away.  He died on July 20, 2022, one week after his 92^nd birthday.  We (his family) decided to wait a while for the memorial service, due to the extreme heat in north Texas.  We scheduled his service and funeral for Friday, September 2, 2022.  We picked that date not only because it was on the Labor Day weekend, but it would have been Mom and Dad’s 72^nd wedding anniversary.

I decided to speak at Dad’s memorial service and share with everyone what he was to me and what I learned from him.  I put together an outline, and practiced by myself for 3-4 days ahead of the service.  This turned out to be the hardest public speaking I’ve ever done (and I’ve been in some tough situations for a speaker).  I followed my niece who wrote and read a letter to Dad.  I was quite touched by what she expressed. 

I didn’t do well, choking up numerous times.  It was harder than I thought, both because I was speaking to many members of my family, and because a picture of Dad was projected on the back wall of the church!  I thought I’d write down what I wanted to say and share it with you.

Who He Was to Me

• Father:  according to dictionary.com, “father” is a male parent.  Almost any male can be a father.
• Dad:  this is a special subset of the classification of “fathers.”  It takes a special father to become known as “Dad” or “Daddy.”  Doyle Henson was Dad to me!  In the past few years, whenever Dad left me a voicemail, he’d start with “Mike, this is your ol’ Dad.”  I treasure that and confess I’ve kept a few of his voicemails so I’ll remember his voice.
• Hero: Dad was my very first hero and remains my main hero.  Many fathers and dads are heroes to their children.  I looked up to him so much as a child and continued to admire him in my adult life.
• Mentor: I learned a lot from Dad and viewed him as my longest-running mentor to me in so many areas of life.  He helped me to be a better man, husband, father, employee, manager, leader, and Christian.
• Role Model:  I can’t think of a better role model for the areas he mentored me.  Late in Mom’s life, she was diagnosed with Parkinson’s.  Dad was her primary caregiver for the rest of her life.  He was an amazing husband to Mom and truly exhibited sacrificial love.
• Friend: I enjoyed talking to Dad and just spending time with him.  One of my fondest memories was from 2020, when I spent three weeks with him (see https://mrhensonllc.com/time-with-dad/). 
• Cheerleader: not only did Dad always tell me he loved me, but he told me he was proud of me.  That gave me strength to persevere.
• Best Man: I asked Dad to be my best man when I married Julie in 1978.  It’s rare that a groom will choose his father to be his best man.  I couldn’t have picked a better one!

What I Learned from Him

• Leadership:  I learned many aspects of leadership from him.  So many that one of my posts is all about the leadership lessons I learned from Dad (see https://mrhensonllc.com/leadership-lessons-from-dad/).
• The Power of Connection:  Ann Landers once said that there are two types of people and you can tell them apart when they walk into a crowded room.  The first type walks in and says “Here I am,” while the second type walks in and says “There you are!”  Dad was the latter type of person.  He taught me that everyone is important, regardless of their role in your life.  I don’t believe Dad ever met anyone without spending time understanding their life story.  One of my favorite John Maxwell books is “Everyone Communicates, Few Connect.”  Dad was a connecter.  He wanted to know what was going on in your life, no matter who you were.  I learned how to do this, which helped me in my professional life.  What Dad taught me was to connect with intentionality and honesty.  He was a master.
• The Value of Hard Work:  Dad was a hard worker, both on the job and at home.  He took pride in his work.  After he retired, he worked hard at maintaining his yard and growing a garden.  He taught me that yard work can be therapeutic.  I’ll admit that there were a couple of things taught that didn’t stick.  One was shining shoes.  Dad shined his shoes well – it must have been his Army training.  I found a good shoe shine person instead.  He also took great pride in maintaining and washing his cars.  I chose to go to a car wash and find a good mechanic.
• The Power of Stories:  Dad had many stories and he loved to tell them.  For family members and friends, we understand that he wanted us to remember the stories because he repeated them often!  ?

Closing

The past few years, Dad had a saying that his biggest problem was three letters:  A-G-E.  He told me he still felt very young mentally, but not physically.  I recently read a quote from Clint Eastwood that made me think of Dad – “You’re as young as you feel. As young as you want to be. There’s an old saying I heard from a friend of mine. People ask him, “Why do you look so good at your age?” He’ll say, “Because I never let the old man in.” And there’s truth to that. It’s in your mind, how far you let him come in.”  I don’t think Dad let the old man come in until the last week of his life.

I recently read a book by Bob Goff entitled “Undistracted.”  One of the quotes struck me – “It will not be the height of the family tree that matters, but the depth of its roots.”  To the family of Doyle Henson, I say WE HAVE STRONG ROOTS!  We the family are his legacy.

Postscript

I learned a lot from Dad and revered him.  What type of a person are you?  Are you a “Here I am” person or a “There you are” type of person.  I choose to be a “There you are” person. I’d be interested in your comments.

(2022-12)

One of my favorite quotes about life is actually a lyric from a John Lennon song – “Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.”  While this quote is a lyric, I recently learned that it was actually used in 1957 in an issue of Reader’s Digest by a man named Allen Saunders (see https://www.fastjetperformance.com/blog/life-is-what-happens-to-you-while-youre-busy-making-other-plans-death-on-the-roads for reference).

I recently took a roughly two-month break from my “normal” retired life (and writing my blog posts) in the second quarter of 2022.  There were two key reasons to pull me away for the past couple of months.  The first was caused by a visit from a friend I’ve known for over 45 years.  He asked me to join a 21-day whitewater rafting trip down the Colorado River in the Grand Canyon.  My buddy told me that this is a life-changing event.  He had done it twice as a participant, and was the official trip leader (per his National Park Service permit) for this private rafting trip.  After a bit of soul-searching, I checked with my family members to see what they thought.  It was unanimously agreed I should accept this invitation.  So, I decided to go for it and told my friend I was all in.

A little side note.  I hadn’t been camping in 40+ years, and had never been whitewater rafting.  I spent a couple of weeks researching, making travel reservations, planning, and packing.  All told, this trip took me away from my “normal” responsibility of childcare provider to grandchildren for over a month.  My wife had to handle all of the childcare duties as well as 100% of our household affairs during my absence.

I’m still coming to grips with the impact this trip has made on me personally (physically, mentally, and emotionally).  I can easily say that my buddy’s life-changing description was accurate.  One of the biggest changes has been my outlook on life.  I’m much more relaxed.  Instead of saying “whatever” or “no big deal,” I’ve started saying “I’m upright and on the boat.”  I can deal with most things with a much more confident mindset.  I guess that happens when you successfully survive multiple rapids!

There are a few lessons I learned on this trip.  I plan on sharing them in detail in future posts.  Some of them include:

• The impact of true friendship has no expiration date (there are indeed friends for life)
• Surround yourself with the right people
• Tremendous bonding happens when you go through traumatic experiences with others and survive
• Address little issues when you notice them or they’ll grow and fester

The second reason involved my then 91-year-old father.  Over the Memorial Day weekend, Dad had a couple of TIAs (transient ischemic attacks, also referred to as a mini-stroke) over a single weekend.  The first one occurred on a Saturday.  When a second one occurred the next day, Dad was taken to the local emergency room.  A few days later, I drove to north Texas to be with Dad, my two sisters, and a niece while we sought answers and direction.

Dad was given a battery of tests.  The results of these tests were positive.  There were no signs of brain damage, which indicated there was no stroke.  This was such a scary time for us all.  We mutually agreed that Dad no longer could live alone in a small town distant from family.  Small town health care was not ideal for improving Dad’s health.  After ten days in the hospital, Dad was transferred to a rehabilitation hospital.

The family (and Dad as well) agreed this was a time to change things.  We did a lot of investigating and found a good assisted-living facility that was much closer to family.  I will go into detail about this decision and the transition itself in a separate post.  I was surprised, pleased, and humbled by Dad’s acceptance and embrace of this big change.

I can tell you that neither of these two big events were part of my annual plan for 2022.  I know that I wouldn’t have been as well prepared for Dad’s health issues if I hadn’t rafted the Grand Canyon.  That 21-day adventure prepared me (mentally and emotionally) for dealing with Dad’s health.

When I looked up the John Lennon lyric I referred to at the start of this post, I came across the following quote from Cesare Parese – “We do not remember days, we remember moments.”  For this two-month deviation from my so-called “normal” life, there were many moments I’ll treasure forever.

How do you deal with unforeseen events in your life?  Is your plan flexible enough to adapt?  I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments.